Success vs. Happiness

If you had more money, would you be happier? What about a more successful business, a different body, or a relationship?

You might say yes. And you might feel happier after getting what you want. But the success is not what creates the happiness. Your thoughts about the success create it.

This distinction matters because we tend to make one of two mistakes. We give up on success because we think it will cost us happiness. Or we chase success because we think it will finally give us happiness.

I want you to separate them. You can learn to create success and learn to create happiness. They are different skills, and both are available to you.

Happiness is a feeling, not a destination

In Episode 378, I talked about happiness as the F-line in the Model. Thoughts create feelings, which drive actions and results. If you think a thought that creates happiness, you will feel some level of happiness.

But that doesn't mean the goal is to think happy thoughts all the time.

We live in a world that offers a 50/50 experience. There are things happening in the world and in our lives that we don't want to be happy about. An authentic life includes emotions besides happiness.

When you make constant happiness the destination, you start judging yourself for the other half of being human.

You feel unhappy. Then you become unhappy about being unhappy. You have taken a feeling that was part of your experience and compounded it with the thought that you shouldn't be having it.

Accepting that your life won't feel wonderful all the time can actually invite more joy. You stop spending so much energy arguing with the part that doesn't.

Success doesn't do the thinking for you

I used to believe that being thin meant being happy. People do the same thing with success. They imagine the money, marriage, job, or achievement will create the emotion for them.

When you achieve something and think wonderful thoughts about it, you can feel happy. Those things may be correlated. But the circumstance doesn't cause the feeling.

If you expect the circumstance to make you happy and then don't feel happy, you can become miserable about that too. You have the thing you thought would change everything, and you still have a human brain.

One of my friends was very successful but couldn't wait to stop pursuing success. He wanted to create enough wealth, cash out, and finally enjoy his life.

He accomplished what he had wanted. There was satisfaction, but also emptiness. Success hadn't provided the happiness he expected.

Another friend wanted to give up on his dream so he could enjoy his life and be present. He believed pursuing more success would take that away.

I asked him to consider how I could have both. What if success and happiness didn't need to compete?

The two beliefs that keep you stuck

If you believe success costs happiness, you may stop pursuing something you truly want for an invalid reason.

Being happy without more money doesn't mean more money will remove your happiness. You don't need success in order to feel good. That doesn't mean you have to avoid success to keep feeling good.

The opposite belief can be just as costly. If you believe success gives you happiness, you may hustle toward the result while sacrificing the experience of your life.

You keep postponing enjoyment until you get there. Then you arrive with the same habit of looking ahead for the feeling you want.

I watch my students make a million dollars and then want to make two, three, or five million. I love that growth for them. It asks them to expand and explore what they can create.

But if a student believes five million will make them happier than two million, they are confused about where happiness comes from.

The experience is still going to be 50/50. A bigger result doesn't remove the emotional contrast of being human.

Feel it now, then create from it

Think about a goal you want. What feeling do you imagine having when you achieve it?

Instead of waiting for the success to provide that feeling, work on creating it now. Use it as fuel for the success.

When you allow the less joyous parts of life, you have more energy available. You aren't using it all to fight unhappiness. You have more room for ideas, creativity, and contribution.

That is a very different experience from constantly chasing a feeling you won't allow yourself to have yet.

You can create circumstances that make happy thoughts easier to think. But arranging everything so you don't have to manage your mind is exhausting.

When you learn to create emotion through your thoughts, circumstances can change or stay the same, and you can still access joy.

That doesn't make every moment happy. It makes happiness a skill you can practice instead of a reward you keep placing beyond your reach.

Define success by your true desires

If success won't make you permanently happier, why pursue it?

Because creating success can be fun. It can be exciting. It requires growth. It gives you a chance to express something within you that wants to be created, achieved, or contributed.

Define success for yourself. Be careful about making the definition sound virtuous or moral enough for someone else.

What are your deepest, truest desires? What wants to be expressed through you? What is the biggest dream you want to pursue?

You may write down that dream and immediately feel anxious, scared, frustrated, or full of doubt. You may temporarily cost yourself some comfort or happiness.

That is where you return to your mind. You work with your thoughts and regenerate the emotional fuel that helps you take action.

You will need to do that more than once. Doubt and fear may knock you off course. You can keep coming back to the thinking that supports the life you want to create.

Learn both skills

Success and happiness don't have to depend on each other. Pursue them deliberately, in different ways.

Manage your mind to create the feelings you want. Define success and take action toward what you truly desire.

If you learn to access happiness along the way, you won't have to start learning how to enjoy your life after you arrive.

Success isn't going to make you happy. You can go after it anyway.