Dopamine, Desire, and Decisions

What do you want your brain to want?

Food? Social media? Learning? Building a business? Walking a beautiful trail?

We often notice what we desire and assume that is simply how it is. But I want you to consider making a conscious decision about where you direct that desire.

Noticing what you are motivated to seek is a place to start. Deciding what you want to be motivated toward is the next step.

The pleasure of doing the work

I spent a week in a beautiful home on a lake in Coeur d’Alene. For part of the week, I was there alone, and I wanted the pleasure of having entire days to work.

Instead of fitting work around the rest of my life, I wanted to dive into it for a while.

I wrote sales letters, worked on marketing, and connected with my team. We worked hard together. At one point, our collaboration felt like playing basketball: quick, focused, and so much fun.

At the end of that week, I felt the pleasure of accomplishment. I had been learning, walking, and applying what I learned.

That experience helped me notice how different I feel depending on where I direct my focus.

Where are you seeking reward?

I think about dopamine as the motivation toward a reward—the desire for it.

The question I want to explore is where you are directing that motivation.

Look at your life. What are you most motivated to get? Where does your attention keep going?

You may be focused on food, drinking, dating, followers, television, exercise, or work.

The activity alone does not tell you whether it is a problem. Look at the consequence of how you are doing it.

When you overeat, you may feel uncomfortable with the amount of food you are eating. When you spend too much time on social media, you may feel anxious and depleted.

You can overwork or overexercise, too. The question is whether the way you pursue the reward creates a net negative consequence in your life.

Bring an unconscious focus into awareness

Sometimes you know you do not want to keep doing something, yet you keep doing it.

For me, one clue that I have become overly focused on something is what happens when I wake up. The thought is immediate and intense. I cannot stop thinking about it.

If you have struggled with overeating, you may recognize that experience. You wake up thinking about food, calories, the scale, what you will eat, and what you will not eat.

For someone else, the same intensity may be focused on dating apps or checking how many followers they have.

I can feel how rewarding Instagram is. I have to consciously limit my time there because I could keep scrolling for hours.

The first step is awareness. Notice where you are overdoing something and where your attention is going without a decision.

Choose a reward that keeps giving

Learning is one of my favorite sources of reward.

I love studying life coaching, self-help, marketing, business, and running a team. Listening to a book while walking gives me something to look forward to.

Then I apply what I learn. I use it in a podcast, a sales letter, or an ad.

There is pleasure in learning and pleasure in applying it. When the work helps clients, grows the business, and makes money, there are additional rewards.

That is a very different experience from the cycle I had with overeating. I would eat, want more, and keep thinking about food. The consequences were not what I wanted.

I was also focused on losing weight. Getting the scale to go down became another pursuit.

Eating and trying to lose weight took up so much of my ambition. I was going in a circle.

When I stopped that cycle, I could direct that energy into building a life I loved and serving people.

Intensity is not the same as the result you want

An immediate, intense pleasure can seem more important to your brain than the steadier satisfaction of a week of work.

That is where I want to use my ability to think ahead and choose.

I do not want to automatically pick the most immediate reward. I want to consider the experience that follows it and the result it creates.

Think about the difference between the ups and downs of dating and the steady comfort of a loving relationship.

You may want either experience at different times. My point is to choose consciously rather than chase the high and forget that the low comes with it.

The same question applies to eating, social media, games, and work: what experience do you want, and what comes along with that choice?

This is not a rule to eliminate pleasure

I am not saying you should never eat sugar, play a video game, or use social media.

I am asking whether you want an activity to become your main source of reward.

If you play games for a living, your result may include a career and income. If you overdo games at the expense of the life you want, the result may be a high score while other parts of your life get less attention.

The context matters.

You can also decide to redirect some of your focus rather than all of it. You may want to keep exercising and also become motivated to do something else.

Notice whether you can be okay without the activity. I am talking about more than a subtle desire to do it—notice when not doing it makes functioning difficult.

Compare the results of two choices

Imagine spending three days in a room with a bed and books about finance. Reading and learning are the activities available to you.

Now imagine having your phone and the Wi-Fi password in that room, too.

You might spend the time learning about investing. You might spend it scrolling.

At the end of those three days, which result would you rather have?

If you are an influencer, information from social media may be important to your work. You get to consider what matters for you.

Put any two activities in that example. What do you want to do more of? What reward would you like to anticipate?

Make the decision on purpose

Ask yourself where you are directing your desire now, where you are getting the most rewards, and where you want those rewards to come from.

Then make a conscious decision.

For me, walking, learning, and working in a well-rested, healthy way can create a steady experience of well-being. Overworking is a different experience, and I want to notice that distinction.

You do not have to leave your focus to whatever catches your attention. You can choose to direct it toward reading the books, hiking the mountain, or creating the business.

Notice what you are seeking. Consider the consequence. Decide what you want your desire to help you create.