How to Take an "L"

Losing a game does not make you a loser.

It means you lost a game. Yet how quickly do we turn one result into an identity? A launch does not sell as expected, and suddenly we think nothing in our business works. A relationship goes badly, and we apply that loss to the rest of our lives.

I want you to learn how to take an L. Not hide it, undo it, or pretend it did not happen. Take it. Be present with it. There is so much strength available when you know how to lose.

Keep the loss where it belongs

I had a conversation with a friend who tried a new program in her business. The launch did not do what she hoped, and she lost money.

She was not simply disappointed about that program. She was thinking of herself as a loser. She was deciding she should not be in business anymore and did not want to show her face.

That is a very different experience from acknowledging one offer did not work.

If I lose a pickleball game today, it does not mean I am a pickleball loser for the rest of my life. The result belongs to that game. I can examine it without turning it into a verdict on everything I am.

This matters even more when other people can see the loss. A public launch, tournament, or mistake can bring up shame. But being seen losing still does not make you a loser.

First, accept and process the pain

The first step is to accept the score.

You hoped to win. You hoped to be on the podium getting applause. Instead, you are standing there with an L. Be there.

You may feel like the child who loses a board game and wants to throw the board into the air. We can understand that feeling. As adults, we can also regulate ourselves and process it.

Do not try to change the circumstance to rewind what happened. Allow yourself to experience the feelings around the result.

I took a big L when I expanded my business, hired more people and executives, and built a team in a way I thought would take us to the next level. It did not work the way I wanted.

That was defeating and emotionally challenging. It was important for me to stay open and admit it did not work. I had to be willing to experience the feelings instead of hide from the loss.

Second, learn from it

After a pickleball game, I wanted to talk with my boyfriend about why we lost and what we could do better.

That review is part of how I process it. I look at what I did wrong and own it. I do not need to blame him, the sun, or the other team.

What can I learn? How can I make myself stronger because I played this game?

There are two kinds of learning here. You learn to feel the pain of losing, which makes you more willing to take chances. You also learn about your decisions and performance.

If you believe you should never fail, feel shame, or be criticized, you limit what you are willing to attempt.

I will never regret trying to build that bigger team. Now I know the way I approached it did not work. I have knowledge I did not have before, and I can use it to make my business better.

Let stronger opponents teach you

I am excited to play pickleball against people who are much better than I am.

Playing a team we can easily beat might be fun. Playing a stronger team shows me where I am weak. I notice what happens when I hit the ball too high or move to the wrong place.

I also learn by watching them play well.

The same thing happens in business and relationships. When I have handled something badly in a relationship, I can learn from that mistake. If I process the pain and examine what happened, I come out stronger and better.

Think about children learning to walk. They fall, push themselves up, and fall again. Getting up off the ground helps build the strength they need to walk. Staying on the ground does not.

The failures can be part of what makes success possible.

Third, ask what is next

After accepting and learning, decide what comes next.

Will you dwell here, or move forward as someone who knows more because of this experience?

A football team does not lose one game and decide there is no point in playing the rest of the season. There are missed passes and lost games along the way. The team keeps showing up.

What did we learn? What is next?

I lose a lot. I also win a lot because I stay in the game. I am willing to take chances, get things wrong publicly, and make adjustments.

Practice losing if you want to grow

Some of the people who struggle most with losing have been successful for a long time.

They earned good grades, did well at work, and created a life with a string of wins. Then they set a bigger goal and encounter losses they have not practiced handling.

That was true for my friend. Her business had been a succession of wins. Trying something at the next level brought a different experience.

If you want bigger dreams and bigger ideas, you need to be willing to take bigger chances. That includes losses.

Do not forget that this is part of what you signed up for.

You are someone who wins and someone who loses. You can accept the pain, learn from the result, and keep moving. The question is not whether you can avoid every L. It is what you will do with this one.