Take a Break

It is hard to reconsider your life when your brain is full of everything required to keep it running.

The work. The obligations. The people depending on you. The expectations.

Sometimes we need to step out of our lives to look at them from a distance. A vacation or a weekend away can offer a little of that perspective. I wanted something more.

In Episode 532, I shared what I discovered during the break I began in 2025 and why I want you to consider planning one for yourself.

Plan a break before you need an escape

I think we should plan for a midlife break the way we plan for retirement.

The break I am talking about is planned ahead of time, from a place of abundance. You are emotionally able to step back, be aware, and reconsider your life.

This is different from a break you need because your health is failing, you are in an acute situation, or you need to heal. Those breaks are important, too. But that is not what I am describing here.

I suggest a minimum of three months away from whatever you normally do for work.

That could be caring for a home and family, working at a corporate job, or running your own business. The preparation will depend on the work you do.

You need money to support yourself, time away, and arrangements that allow the work to be covered without you.

Maybe you cannot do it for another five years. It can still become something you plan for.

Give yourself time to prepare

It took me about three years to get to the point where I could step away.

I had people depending on me and promises I wanted to fulfill. I was not in a hurry. I was willing to prepare.

I had reached goals beyond what I had imagined and become the person I wanted to become through them.

But scaling the business had also changed my daily work. What I loved most was coaching, creating content, and teaching. Running a large company required other skills and brought a different level of expectation and dependency.

I tried to adjust, but I wanted space to ask whether I still wanted it in that form.

I also wanted time with my sons after college and before they had families of their own. I wanted to follow Christian around a golf course or spend time with Connor without work in the back of my mind.

Three years earlier, taking a year away would have seemed impossible. Preparing made it possible.

Actually stop working

For the break I recommend, there is no work doing, work thinking, work stress, or work decision-making for at least three months.

A vacation where you keep checking on the business is a different experience.

Those first two weeks may require real discipline. No work calls. No notes. No checking in. Turn off the apps associated with work.

That means preparing so you know the people covering the work can handle it.

If you are accustomed to accomplishing and providing, stopping can feel unsettling. Your identity has been connected to those activities.

After twenty years of creating content and thinking about students, clients, and employees, I felt as if I were forgetting something.

It reminded me of my children leaving for college and the strange emptiness of the house and car.

I allowed some anxiety, confusion, and frustration. I kept reassuring myself that there was nothing due. Eventually, that background hum relaxed.

Celebrate how far you have come

One of the first things I did was reflect on my life.

Not only the business or the goals I had achieved. I thought about my childhood, my teenage years, and what I had survived and worked through.

I stopped long enough to appreciate how far I had come.

Then I looked honestly at mistakes, misjudgments, failures, and wrong turns. I noticed what I had learned from them.

I brought those experiences together into one story, almost like a memoir, instead of looking at separate pieces.

It created forgiveness, love, pride, and gratitude. I could see myself as the future self my younger self had wanted so badly to become.

Let your wants surface without judgment

After the initial discipline of stopping, I let myself follow what I wanted to do.

I did not replace work expectations with a list of requirements for the break.

If I wanted to journal or do thought work, I did. If I did not, I did not. There was nothing I needed to accomplish.

What I chose surprised me.

I organized bills and personal records. I cooked, did laundry, read fiction and memoirs, watched television, hosted friends, traveled, and played pickleball.

I also scanned and organized family photographs, including pictures from my mother's and grandparents' childhoods.

Looking at those pictures gave me time with my relationship to my younger selves. Rereading old journals allowed me to feel for the girl I had been without thinking I should be doing something else.

I spent hours with Christian on golf courses, fully present. Being with someone when you have nowhere to be afterward feels different.

Dream before deciding

During those first three months, I recommend letting desires and ideas come up without immediately making decisions.

You can garden, cook, read, sleep, or explore something new. You do not need to take on your usual obligations or say yes out of people pleasing.

Allow yourself to dream.

After that space, you can begin planning and making conclusions.

When I talk about dreaming and scheming, I am drawing on Martha Beck's cycle of change in Finding Your Own North Star.

Even reaching a goal can be an event that changes your identity. You arrive at something you wanted and need time to reconsider who you are now.

I was not in a hurry to set another impossible goal. I was allowing ideas to develop.

Redecide your life

Is this the person you want to be? The relationship you want? The home you want? The day-to-day life you want to continue?

You may answer yes and recommit to everything. You may discover that you want something very different.

For me, one clear discovery was that I love working and I also love not working. I love both.

I knew I wanted to coach clients. That was where my love of this industry began. I also wanted to create something brand new as a beginner, with that feeling of challenge and ambition again.

If you already know what you want and are ready to begin, that may be the right next step for you. You may not need this kind of break now.

But if you have been on a moving train for years, consider making space to stop and ask where you want it to go.

A break does not remove the pain that comes with being human. My work has always been about reducing unnecessary suffering and helping you endure the pain that is part of life.

Taking this time gave me the opportunity to look back, look forward, and choose consciously. I want you to consider creating that opportunity for yourself.