Bored Choices

What do you do when you are bored?

Your answer tells you something about what you create in your life. Do you consume and escape? Do you become busy so you never have to be alone with your mind? Or do you stay long enough to discover what is there?

In Episode 374, I talked about boredom as an opportunity. It can reveal your thoughts, your desires, and the life you are actually living.

The choices you make in that space can determine whether you get to know yourself or keep running away.

Your life reveals itself when you stay

A conversation with my son Christian prompted this topic. He described how a day could seem to pass more quickly when he was partying.

I pointed out that he wasn’t as present for it. We began considering what people choose when there is empty time.

I recognize the escape impulse in myself. I have used overeating and overdrinking, and I have also read nonfiction and written in journals.

Boredom gives you a chance to access your mind or leave it. If you don’t like the thoughts you hear, escaping can seem appealing.

But staying lets you find out what you don’t like. Once you know, you can make a change.

The more present you are with your life, the more influence you have over it. If you continually escape what you don’t like, it remains.

False pleasure can take the place of a true desire

You may use a compulsive activity to tolerate something you want to change.

For example, someone who wants a relationship may use an activity that temporarily distracts from loneliness instead of thinking about meeting people or who they want to be as a partner.

The time and energy go into escaping rather than pursuing the desire.

That is the difference I want you to notice. What are you learning to become better at when you are bored?

Are you getting better at finding another distraction, or at feeling, listening, and creating?

Our thoughts create feelings, which drive actions and results. Becoming aware of the thought and feeling gives you a chance to choose the action rather than automatically escape.

Busyness can be another escape

Not every avoidance looks like lying on the couch watching television. You can pack your life so full that you never have to be bored.

There is always another task, event, or input. You outrun the empty space.

The answer I want to offer isn’t more busyness. It is awareness.

I have spent time in my Austin home simply looking out the window and noticing my thoughts and urges. What do I want to do as soon as there is nothing demanding my attention?

That is valuable information.

Think about someone you are close to. You don’t always need to entertain each other. You can sit in their presence with familiarity and reassurance.

Can you have that kind of relationship with yourself? Have you given yourself enough time to become interesting to you?

Boredom can be the way into your own ideas

When I walk without listening to someone else, I can hear things in my own brain that I wouldn’t otherwise notice.

On the way to those ideas, there is often restlessness. I want a podcast, conversation, or something to consume.

If I allow that boredom instead of immediately filling it, I can reach a different kind of space.

Think of letting dust or ripples settle. You can see what is underneath when everything stops being stirred up.

When you are constantly busy, there may be no room to access your creativity. Not because you have none, but because you haven’t stopped long enough to hear it.

You have a unique combination of experiences and ideas. Giving it space lets you discover what you can make from it.

Practice five minutes without input

Sit in a chair for five minutes without your phone or television. Notice what happens.

Do you want to check the news, contact a friend, wash dishes, or do another task? Let yourself see the urges.

You don’t need to chase each one. Allow the restlessness and anxiousness to be there.

If you become bored, let that be part of the practice. You are holding space for things to calm down.

Then notice what comes up. What thought do you hear? What desire have you been too distracted to recognize?

You don’t have to produce something impressive within five minutes. You are practicing being with yourself without immediately seeking entertainment.

Choose what boredom means

We sometimes describe another person as boring, as though boredom is a characteristic they possess.

But being bored is your experience. Your mind is still there even when someone else is in the room.

You can notice that feeling and choose whether it is a problem to escape or an invitation to become aware.

We have often kept children constantly entertained, too. Then being bored can seem like something terrible that should never happen.

I want us to consider the value of learning to tolerate that space and access our own curiosity and creativity.

Reading and learning from others can be wonderful. The question is whether we also hear ourselves, or only repeat what comes from outside.

Create a conscious protocol

Decide what you want your choices to be when you have empty time. What would you like to do when you are in your own company and not enjoying it?

You can make that decision ahead of time instead of repeating an escape mechanism.

You can also create room for boredom on purpose. Let yourself discover what needs attention and which true desires become visible when false pleasures aren’t covering them.

Dream with discipline: listen to the dream, commit to it, and honor it with action.

Your day doesn’t need to pass faster. You can be present for it and see what is inside you.