You are listening to The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 51.
Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it's all about real clients, real problems, and real coaching. And now, your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.
Hi, everyone. How are you guys doing? Oh my goodness.
I am really excited for you guys today. As most of you know, I do a public coaching call, which means anybody can come, and I coach anyone that wants coaching on any topic they want on the fly. So one of the things that I wanted to do is share with you some of the coaching that we did on the last public coaching call.
The reason I wanted to share this one was because everyone who came to the call kind of had the same issue. They were feeling stuck in their current job, feeling like they weren't making progress, questioning their career choices, and how to be happier in their current job, and also how to be more successful. So we did some great coaching.
I think there's a lot of really powerful tidbits in there that you can apply to your own life and pull out for your own musing. And so please enjoy this edition of the Public Coaching Call, which is really how to get unstuck. Hi, everyone.
My name is Brooke Castillo, and this is my public coaching call that I offer every other week to give you all a chance to be coached and also to hear what it's like to be a coach, really. I mean, that's what I'm doing. I'm coaching on the fly.
I don't prepare for these calls. So basically, the issue that's presented, I coach using the material and the tools that I have. So I usually start the call by doing an overview of either the model, which is the main tool that I use in all of my coaching, or I review some of the tools that I use.
And so one of the things that I want to do today is I want to review both of them. I want to talk about them briefly. I also want to just give you kind of some insight on what it's like to be a coach, because some of you have been emailing me and asking me about becoming a coach.
So if you want to become a coach through The Life Coach School, we only do that one way now. We used to have an online program. We no longer offer the online program.
The only program that we offer is an in-person. And the reason why we offer the in-person is because it is the best way that I have ever seen to train someone to be a coach. It's a six-day program if you want to become a life coach.
It's an eight-day program if you want to get a double certification and add on weight coach. So, and that's coming up here in June. We have one actually in the next couple weeks in March, but that one is sold out.
But we do have one coming up in June that has room. And let me just give you the exact dates. That's June 5th through the 10th if you want to be a life coach.
And if you want to add a double weight coach certification, there's two extra days there. So it would be till the 12th. And this is the last time we are offering the double certification at a very low price.
So that price is going to be going up a couple thousand dollars. So if you're interested in becoming a coach, this is the time to do it in June. Make sure you go to the website, talk to Jody about it.
All right, so once you get certified as a coach, what is it like to, is one of the questions that I've been getting. Now, the first thing that I want to tell you is that if you want to be a life coach, if you want to own your own business, which is what most people want because they want to get into this industry, so they have some control over their own lives, then in their own businesses, you are also going to have to become an entrepreneur, which is the second kind of half of being a life coach. What I devoted the first part of my training doing and what I learned myself and offered to my students was really how to do causal coaching, how to be the best life coach or weight coach you could possibly be.
I've spent the last two years really dedicated to learning marketing and business, and so now that's kind of the second half of what I'm teaching my students. I teach them how to be coaches and then I also teach them how to be entrepreneurs. Now, the thing that is really, I think the most important thing to know about becoming an entrepreneur is that you absolutely need your life coaching skills to become an entrepreneur.
We always say it's the best self-development program you will ever go through, becoming a life coach, becoming an entrepreneur. So, if you are really skilled at the life coaching piece of it, if you know how to coach yourself, it's going to be much easier for you to succeed as an entrepreneur because you will be able to overcome your own self-doubt, your own frustrations, and I really think it's the barrier to entry. Yes, it's an amazing lifestyle.
It's an amazing way to live your life, but not just anyone can do it. Right? Otherwise, everyone would have their own business.
It requires that you really do a deep dive into your own insecurities about yourself. So anyway, we just had the most amazing, beautiful time in Santa Barbara. All of my coaches who are certified can come there for free.
We have two full days of mastermind. I teach one full day, and then the second day, I brought in four guest speakers. It's all included in certification.
Not just the year you get certified, but every year after that for no charge. So we had an amazing two days there. And one of the things that I talked the most about was business and how to overcome all of the issues that come up to with us when it comes to starting a business.
Now, what's so fascinating to me about all of those of you who wrote an earlier wanting to be coached, is that all of you are talking about your careers. And you're talking about some of you want to change careers, some of you want to find happiness within your careers, and many of you are thinking about becoming life coaches. So what I want to offer you is that whatever you do, whether it's being a life coach or whether it's being a weight coach or whether it's working in a corporate job or being a coach part time, they're doing it on the side or whatever, what matters is not as much what you do, but who you are and who you decide to be.
I always say, you could put me in any job. I'm going to be coaching people. I am first and foremost a coach, and I was a coach even before I was a coach, and I know that many of you guys can relate to that, right?
So when I was working at Hewlett Packard, I worked at Hewlett Packard for five years, and I would say it was the best and the worst job I've ever had. First, it was the best job because that is where I met my husband, and I feel forever grateful to Hewlett Packard to hiring me. But here's what's so fascinating about my job at Hewlett Packard.
First of all, I was a procurement specialist. So what I spent my time doing was procuring parts for printers. So Hewlett Packard would be designing a printer, and they would need all these piece parts that they were designing to create the printer.
And I would go and find out what they were going to charge us to create those parts. I mean, can you imagine a better waste of my talent? That's kind of how I felt.
First of all, there had to be way better people at this than me. But what I figured out was when I got in there in a room, I was 23, I think, when I was working there. And I got in a room with a person and we were talking about the price of the part.
I didn't have to know about the cost of the materials. I didn't have to know any of those details because I knew how to read a person. And I knew how to understand their thinking.
And this is way before I even knew about the model. It was just how my mind was naturally gifted. And those of you who aren't coaches yet, officially, you know what I mean.
Your ability to understand people. And so that served me. So if I was in that job now, all I would be doing is coaching in whatever way I could.
So for those of you who say, oh, I can't afford to become a coach, I can't do it, I just want you to say you don't have to wait to use the tools that you learn by listening to my podcast, studying my materials, you can start applying them now. First and foremost, you are your first client. So you absolutely need to be coaching yourself.
Okay, so let's talk about it. If you are in a job that you do not like right now, the first thing, and we're going to talk about this in detail with those of you who want to be coached and specific examples. But for those of you who don't know, my approach is always that you shouldn't leave a job or a marriage or a house or a city, until you know you can be happy there.
Because if you try and change your circumstances in an effort to be happy, you are not acknowledging that the way that we find happiness and create happiness for ourselves is in our mind. You can tell yourself it's in your circumstances. You can tell yourself it's in the amount of money that you have, it's in the type of house you have, it's in the weather you have, it's in the job you have, but that's never the case.
It's always in your mind. Now, there are certain people that you may be married to that make it easier to have better feeling thoughts. You may have jobs that make it easier to have better feeling thoughts, right?
But it still is your thinking that is causing you to feel the way you do. Now, let me give you an example. I think I have the best job on the planet.
I get to wake up when I want, I get to wear what I want, I get to show up in any way that I want. Like today, because I'm preparing for my in-person training that's coming up in a couple of weeks, I didn't have any calls except for this one all day. So I had nothing on my schedule.
I got up, I went to yoga, it was amazing. I stayed after for an hour and talked to my friend Lori, caught up with her. I came home, took a shower, relaxed with Chris, and then I worked on my in-person curriculum that I'm going to be teaching in a couple of weeks.
And I did that sitting right next to my puppies and looking out at the beautiful weather. We have blossoms everywhere. I think that's the perfect life.
I think having the freedom to do that in any way I want is great. That does not mean that I love every single thing about my job. We're right in the middle of doing taxes.
I do not enjoy that process at all, especially when you're an entrepreneur and you make a significant amount of money. It's a very painful process to go through the tax system and to calculate everything. I don't enjoy that part of it.
I don't think we are entitled to enjoy everything we do in our jobs. There are many parts of it that I don't like, and I choose to do the work to like them so I can enjoy them enough to get them done. But it's not that every single thing is great.
A lot of the work that I do with my coaches who are building their businesses is letting them know that there's a good portion of most of our days that is a grind, and I think that's true for everyone. It's how you approach your grind. Even my weight loss clients, I talk to them about this.
Some of the work that you're going to be doing is going to feel like a grind, and you can either complain about it and get negative about it, or you can turn yourself around and get positive about it. Okay, so think of your job and then think of who you want to be in that job. And the most important question I can say to all of you is, how are you thinking about your job or your marriage or your body, right?
I just was working with a client recently who had gained 10 pounds, and she didn't like the way she looked, and she was pissed off every time she put on her clothes and they didn't fit. And I said, before we're even going to talk about you losing weight, I want you to recognize how you're thinking about your body right now. That's what matters.
Okay? If you're hating on yourself, we're not going to get anywhere. And that's true for you guys in your marriages, in your jobs.
Pay attention to how you're thinking about it first. Okay. So let's get started.
If you guys have questions, I'm going to coach Jennifer first. And then after I'm done coaching Jennifer, if you guys have questions, you can unmute yourself if you're muted and ask me a question, if you have any thoughts about anything that I did or anything that you're applying to yourself that you have a question about. One of the things you can do is let's say you're not having a problem with your job, so you don't feel like this applies to you.
Apply it to whatever issue you're having. And then if you want me to answer some questions about your specific issue afterwards, I'm happy to do that. Okay, Jennifer, are you here?
Yes.
Yay.
Hi, Jennifer. How are you?
Hi. How are you?
I'm great.
All right.
You want me to read your email or do you want to just tell us?
I think it maybe might be simpler. It's probably I realized after I sent it a problem, everyone has, and I just feel like I'm stuck, and I don't know how to motivate myself to take action.
Okay. So it says here that you're an actress. Are you currently acting?
Are you getting paid to act?
I get paid when I get roles, yeah, but I'm not independently acting to make money right now.
So you have a full-time job as well?
I sort of pimp by wait tables. I do the traditional things in between acting gigs.
Awesome. I love the way you asked the question. You said, is there a way to get myself to the place where I'm willing to do it?
You say you have a clear picture of what actions to take, but is there a way to get yourself to the place where you're willing to do it or get myself to the place where I don't want to take these scary actions but I take them anyway? Such a good question. It's the same question I use with my weight loss clients.
They know what they need to do. They know what they want to do, but they can't get quote unquote unstuck to actually take that action. One of the things that I like to teach my students is something called Do Goals.
And I've talked about this in the podcast for those of you who listen to it. So, what you do is you create enough goals, enough actions that if you did them all, the result you're looking for would be inevitable. So, it's really a powerful way.
Now, that doesn't mean, that doesn't answer your question, because you said you know what actions to take, right? But you can't get yourself to do them. So, tell me, and when you say you know what actions to take, you're talking about the actions that you need to take to get more acting gigs or acting roles, or are you talking about other actions?
Partly that, and just to meet the goals that I set for myself. So, I know for instance, I'm avoiding meeting agents, and I'm avoiding meeting casting directors, and I'm avoiding writing, which I do. I have finished some pieces, but I'm writing things for myself to be performed either by me or by other people.
And you know, I have a to-do list, and it's on my to-do list, but I just don't do it. And I kind of feel like I know what it is, but I almost wonder if I'm wrong about what I think it is.
Okay, what do you mean, you know what it is?
Well, my problem. When I think, I always think, okay, I know what the main problem is, but I'm wondering if maybe I'm wrong about what the problem is, and why I'm not taking action.
Okay. Well, here's the thing. I want you guys to think about the idea of the model, which is, right, all of our thoughts create our feelings, our feelings drive our actions or our inactions, and our actions are what create results.
So what you have right now is inaction, and your result is not enough work as an actress, yeah? So the reason you don't have work as an actress is because you're not taking action to get it, or enough action to get it. Would you agree with that?
Yeah. Okay.
Exactly.
Now, let's talk about what is the feeling that is driving the inaction.
I'll answer you, but I'm not sure if it's a feeling. And I feel like it's sort of a sense of not being ready. So I'm not sure if that's an inadequacy maybe.
Yeah. Is that a feeling?
So the thought is I'm not ready and the feeling is inadequacy, right? And so when you're feeling inadequate, the last thing you want to do is start taking a bunch of action. I mean, it makes sense, doesn't it?
Like if I feel inadequate, the last thing I want to do is go expose myself to 10 agents. Because I'm going to believe that the result there is going to be rejection. Okay.
So you can have a little compassion for yourself there, right? Where it makes sense that you're not taking action at this point.
Yeah.
Is that what you thought your problem was? Or did you have any different idea?
That's kind of what I thought. I guess I just, I feel like it's been here so long, and I thought I had tackled it, and I clearly haven't. It's probably been worse than it is now, and maybe that's what it is.
That I'm better, but it's still not at a point where I feel like I'm stronger than it is, if that makes sense.
Okay. So let's talk about why you don't think you're ready. So your thought is, I'm not ready.
And we can see that that type of thinking, if you're thinking that way about it, we can see that it's not going to get you the result you want. So let's talk about why you're thinking that.
Okay. Well, the more I see it as the thought, I don't actually believe that it's true. Like part of me knows that it's not true.
So, well, I can tell you one of the things behind not ready is not being happy with my training or not thinking my training is good enough because I didn't go to... I sort of did it myself and I started later in life. And, you know, I guess in my head what my beliefs are about what the right way to have done it would be.
Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
So let's imagine that you're going into an age. And so what do you do? You go in and read for them, yeah?
Yeah. Okay. So let's imagine you're going in to read and you're coming in with, I didn't really have the right training.
I started later in life and I'm not ready. Okay. Those are going to create feelings of doubt and inadequacy and probably make you nervous, would be my guess.
And from that energy, you're going to read for the part. And my guess is you're not going to get it, right? Because that's never the energy that creates results that you want.
So, here's the thing that's so interesting, all of you, to think about with whatever it is, however this applies to you. We think that we are just making observations. We think that we're just stating facts.
I started late in life. The training I got wasn't the typical training that people get, right? It's not the best training I could have gotten.
I'm not ready. We think we're just making observations, but really what we're doing is we're choosing our thoughts. We may not be choosing them consciously, but of all the thoughts available to us, those are the three that you're going into your career with.
And you can see how there's no way you're going to create the magic that you want to create when that's what you're leading with. Now, here's another really important thing. So they're not observations, they're actually choices.
You get to think whatever you want. In that most powerful tool that is your mind, there is no tool more powerful. Nobody can win the most powerful tool game with you because you have a brain.
Of all the things that you could put into that most powerful tool to churn out results, you're putting in three very negative thoughts. Now this could be frustrating because you could say, oh, I look at those thoughts and they're not logical. I know they're not true.
I've been thinking them for so long. I can't imagine why I'm still thinking them. So then we compound our negative thinking with even more negative thinking without even realizing that we're doing it.
And it seems like it's so simple, it seems like it's so simple, but it's really not because it's that programming in your brain, right? It's the efficiency that it's created. So if you've been thinking it a long time and you thought you were over it, the only reason you're probably thinking that is because you've recognized it before and you recognize it as illogical.
So it doesn't make sense to you that you would keep thinking a thought that doesn't serve you and isn't logical. But the brain's just used to doing it. You're not doing it because there's something wrong with you or because you're not intelligent, right?
You're doing it because your brain is efficient at doing it and it likes to stay efficient. So let's think about, let me ask you this. I'm going to kind of take you over to the other side for a minute.
Why do you want to be an actress?
Oh, I'm like getting teary. I love it. It makes me happy.
I love the process. I almost love the rehearsal process more than I love performing. It's exciting.
And I can tell you this, when I'm asking an end in a play, nothing else matters. Like, I don't care what's happening in my life. I could have just broken up with my boyfriend, and I don't care.
Like, it just keeps me so fulfilled. And like artistically and intellectually, when I'm asking, I guess it's just when I feel happiest.
So tell me, do you feel like you have something to offer?
I do.
Tell me.
I like who I am as an actress. I think I'm different. I feel like it's, I'm afraid to say it, because I feel like it's like, it sounds arrogant, but I think I'm cool to watch.
And I think I'm exciting on stage. And I think it's partly because I care so much. And I, you know, I think like how much I love being there, I think translates into my work.
Okay. So one of the things I like to think about with any career is you're offering to it. Because when you can think about it in terms of your offering, it helps you get out of your own way.
When it's all about you, right? It's so easy to get caught up in your own brain. So if you think about what you can provide, which is entertainment, which is, you know, a moment for somebody to appreciate, you know, an experience of a character and why that would matter, I think first that will really help you.
So it's not when everything's just about you, you're going to have one experience. When you think about the people that you're making the offering to, and it's bigger than you, I think that's powerful. So you have something to offer the audience.
What do you have to offer? Are you doing like on stage or are you doing?
Yeah, mostly on stage.
Okay. So what do you have to offer? They call them the director, I would imagine.
What do you have to offer the director? What do you have to offer your castmates?
I offer hard work and commitment and generosity and a willingness to let them do whatever they need to do, to express themselves. I offer play, because I love just having fun.
What do you have that's different than maybe the actor next to you trying out for the same part? What is your unique spin, do you think?
I think I can be, I think, more willing to be vulnerable than a lot of actors, and to really make a fool of myself, because I think you kind of have to do that. It's not all about being glamorous and, you know.
So, I think that is an exceptional quality, not just in an actress, but in a human being. And it's something that you could get very good at in auditions, right? And in going and speaking with agents.
What do you have to offer an agent?
See, that's where I feel like I don't. That's where I get stuck, because the whole thing about working with an agent is you need to be marketable. I know that you can go out and make a big agent money and get booked.
And I think that's where I get stuck. That's my big place of getting stuck, is like the thought, I guess, that I'm not marketable, that I'm not going to make them money.
Why do you choose to believe that though?
Why do I choose to? I mean, I don't know. I mean, I guess I don't feel like I'm some level worthy of making that money.
Yeah.
I don't offer any money, you know.
Right. Right. So, if you, and this is by the way, everyone can like insert your problem here.
This is what my coaches deal with all the time, right? When they're trying to work with clients, and they're feeling like once there's money involved, that it just takes this thing that they love doing, and that they feel like they're good at, and they feel like they have a lot to offer. And as soon as you put a price tag on it, then they get all squeamish and freak out.
But here's the thing, right? If you don't have anything to offer an agent, they're not going to take you on, nor should they, right? So you have to get to the place where you know that what you have to offer the agent is worth their time, is worth their while, right?
So what you have to offer them is a percentage of the money that you're willing to go out and earn. Isn't that right? Yeah.
Okay. So are you willing to go out and earn some money? Yes.
Okay. So in order to do that, you're going to have to get over what you think is an observation, but really it's a choice of a thought, that you're not marketable, that you're not trained enough, that you're not ready, right? Those are your obstacles getting in between you and making money.
And by the way, what I find so fascinating is that what you say you're really good at, what you say you have to offer a play, is your vulnerability and your willingness to look silly and not be perfect. That's what going out there and being rejected is, right? It's exactly what it is.
It's going to serve you so much as an actress. Because this is what you have to be willing to do, and this is true for all of us. You have to be willing to go all in and get rejected, and then go all in again and be rejected, and never stop going all in.
What most people do is they go all in on the first one, they get rejected, and then on the second one, they kind of go all in, pretty much ensuring that they'll get rejected, and then on the third time, if they even allow themselves the third time, they go a quarter of the way in, because they don't think they can handle the rejection. But if you do it in the opposite way, meaning you go all in, you get rejected, you go all in, you get rejected, what you get very good at is being vulnerable and being rejected, being vulnerable and being rejected. What that creates for you is a fearlessness.
You get good at having courage. And here's something that you may not realize, what most of you may not realize is that courage doesn't feel good, right? Courage sounds like, oh, that would be a great emotion to have.
But think about it, if there's no fear, there's no courage isn't needed. So the fact that you're even feeling courage means there's something that you're afraid of. That's why it doesn't feel good.
But if you can get good at it, think about it, if you were very courageous, unstoppably courageous, meaning you're willing to be uncomfortable a significant amount of the time and be rejected a significant amount of the time, how would your life be different?
I would be doing a lot more. I wouldn't be afraid to do things.
Right. Right. So instead of feeling inadequate, now here's something that's interesting, y'all.
Think about this. Inadequacy doesn't feel good, and it doesn't get you anything. It's not useful.
Courage doesn't feel good, but it's extremely useful. Same with determination. It doesn't feel great, but it's extremely useful.
So if you're going to be uncomfortable, meaning feeling inadequate, you might as well just shift it, right? And go for courageous. So I had a client, friend, colleague who wanted to get married, and her excuse was, there's just not enough men out there.
It's kind of like someone like you saying, there's just not enough parts out there. There's not enough opportunity for me, right? And what I told her is, I said, what if you were willing to go on 300 dates this year?
300. Chances are, all 300 are not going to be your man, or two dates, right? If you committed, that's what we call a do goal, okay?
If you committed to 300 dates, what would you be willing to do, right? So if you are willing, how many rejections are you willing to accumulate in order to achieve your dream? That means so much to you, right?
That gets you emotional, just thinking about what are you willing to do for you, for your dream?
Yeah.
Do you know?
Yeah, you just sort of made me think of the idea that you have to, something about you have to fail X month. Like for every X, there's a million no's, and like you have to be rejected, like you cannot not be rejected in order to get things.
Well, anomaly that you have to earn your dream.
You got to earn it. And dreams, I don't think our dreams are supposed to be easy. Like most of us don't dream about a job that's easy to get and easy to do, and doesn't require anything of us, right?
We don't dream about stuff like that. We dream about stuff that's just out of our reach, because we know that we will have to evolve to become the person that achieves that dream. And you can't stay stuck, you can't stay where you are, commiserating with yourself and achieve your dream.
You got to go out there and get it. And the way to go out there and get it is to be super uncomfortable for an extended period of time. But you're already uncomfortable, right?
Right.
So that's the trade-off, right? You're still going to be uncomfortable, it's going to be a different flavor, but it will be useful and it will be moving you toward something. And here's the other thing, and this is the magic, you guys, if you go after your dream, if you're willing to go all in on yourself and you're willing to take the risk, even if you go all in on yourself and you don't get as many parts as you want, but let's say you go with 300 auditions, 300 in the next, you know, let's say, year and a half, you commit to, if you can, you'll go to 300 auditions, so that's your commitment, right?
Or maybe it's 150, whatever seems reasonable to you, and you commit to doing that. You may not get the part you want, you may not get your dream part, but I promise you, you'll be a different person on the other side. And you will be able to say, and this is what I say to myself all the time, this is like the, you know, I talk about those moments of intimacy that you have with yourself, like when I achieve something, or I do something that's difficult, I say to myself, I did that for you.
I did that for you. It was hard, I struggled, I was scared, I did it for you. That's how you develop a relationship with yourself.
So what happens is you go into the, talk to the agent, you do your best to sell them on you and your ability and what you're willing to do. You tell them that you're on a mission to go to 300 auditions. No one's probably told them that before.
You're going to work harder than any other client they've ever had. You'll do whatever they say, no matter what. You know, you're committed to doing it.
You want to be the best client they've ever had. How can you do that for them, right? And you show up and you do it.
And if they say, no, I don't want you. I don't think you're good enough. I don't like your training.
You leave there and you say, I did that. And you say to yourself, I did that for you. I was willing to do that for you.
And that's how you get stronger and stronger and stronger. And then you go all in with all these agents. And then maybe on the 10th agent, you're ready for them to reject you, but you're still all in and they may say, hey, why not?
And then you say, I did that for you. Right. So you can decide to be stuck, but don't pretend like it isn't a decision.
People say to me that they're stuck as if they aren't choosing to be stuck. Right. It's like they're standing in free flowing water saying they're stuck.
Just step out of the water. It's a choice. It's not like you're in quicksand and you can't get out.
Like what's the best way to get unstuck is to take a step and to do something. So for those of you who tell me that you're stuck, you have to own it as if it's a choice. So what I make all my clients say is I'm choosing to be stuck.
You can't say I'm stuck, but you can say I'm choosing to be stuck. Right. Do you feel the difference there?
Yeah, totally.
So at the end of three months, you could have gone on 20 auditions and been rejected on all 20, or you could go on no auditions and not be rejected once. Which would you prefer?
I'd rather be rejected.
Isn't that crazy?
Yeah.
It's because you want your dream. It's because you want it. That's why it, what happens is you start, if you don't fulfill the dream inside of you, it causes damage.
And you don't actually have to fulfill it for it not to cause damage, but you must take action. Otherwise, the pain becomes unbearable. You either have to like anesthetize yourself with food or drink or misery, or you have to start taking action.
And so for you, I think what so many people like you feel like is that it should feel good, right? It should feel good to go to an audition. It should feel good to talk to agents.
The whole process should feel good, but it doesn't, right? The acting feels good, but you got to earn it. It's just like for those of you who are coaches, the coaching feels good.
When you're coaching someone, you're like, I've arrived, but you got to earn it. You got to earn the ability to have enough clients to coach. You got to go through that discomfort to be the kind of person that has a lot of clients, to be the kind of actress that has a lot of parts.
So when someone says to you, how did you become such a successful actress? How do you get so many parts? You will know that you've earned it, yeah?
Yeah.
So let me ask you this. Who is an actress that you admire that gets a lot of parts?
The thing that's funny is that, as soon as you said that, I thought, well, no one gets a lot of parts, technically. Like even the good ones, you know? No one works 20 times a year.
Like that would be, it's unusual to do more than two things, like for even the best, the best.
Why do you think that is?
I guess, well, the reality of time, probably, and the number of projects that there are, and maybe they didn't want to do the work, and or they just weren't suited for it, but, and they probably don't need to, you know, so.
So who would you say is the hardest working actor you know? And what I mean by that is not once they get the part, but everything that leads up to that.
Do you mean like a famous person or?
No, anyone, anyone that you know, that does the kind of work that's required of you to get the parts, and they work pretty steadily because they put in the work.
Well, I was actually thinking of a friend of mine who actually the work that he does is more that he puts himself out there, which I just thought is interesting, like that's how, that's what he spends a lot of time doing it, but it's mostly just putting himself out there. It's not like he's not like rehearsing or going to classes. He's, you know, networking and really just trying to, you know, auditioning and trying to get parts.
Yeah. And there's something in that, like being an actor is not just playing in a part. That's what we think.
It's just like being a coach isn't just an hour on the phone with a client. There's a whole other part to the job. And I'm so glad about it because it makes us better coaches.
And it's the same is true with you. Going in and getting rejected over and over and over will increase your ability, your emotional landscape, right? Your ability to and your experience to be able to share that.
And knowing that when you earn a part, that the work that you'll then have to put into that part will be such a joy. Not just because you enjoy that work more, but because of how sweet it will have been to have earned it. So, and this is true for all of you.
If you have something that you want to do in your life, right? If you have something, you have to earn it, right? There is no one that's going to come with that winning lottery ticket and give it to you.
And you know what? If they did, it would be such a shame, because your work would lay flat. Your contribution would not be there.
And you wouldn't get to say to yourself, I did this for you. So, I feel like you are one of the really blessed people that you know what you want. You know it like in your bones.
You can feel it so deeply, yeah? A lot of people come to me, they don't know what they want, they don't know their purpose, they don't enjoy doing anything, but you know, your invitation is there, right? And you just keep looking at it, trying to decide if you're going to accept it or not.
So, own that, for sure. And you're going to be scared, you're going to be freaked out, you're going to be terrified, and that's okay. That's never a reason for not doing what you feel so compelled to do.
Right.
Because, let me ask you one final question. What is the worst thing that can happen?
Out of, if I actually go for it?
Yeah.
That it won't happen, I guess. That's the worst thing that will happen is that I'll, I won't get jobs and I'll end up doing something else.
Okay. So, and that'll be pretty much where you are right now? The worst thing that can happen, the worst thing that could possibly happen, happen, you're guaranteeing it's happening right now.
That's what we do. It's so crazy. We're like, oh, I'm so scared, I may not get a part.
Wait, what? You don't have a part now. So, the worst thing that can happen is what you're experiencing right this second?
Right? So, you know what I mean? It's like, if the worst thing that can happen is someone says, you're a terrible actor, you never should have started acting, I don't even know what you're thinking, and look at your training.
I mean, I don't even know what's going on with your training. I mean, I picture that could be the worst. Someone could be really cruel to you.
Someone could say something really cruel to you. And the only thing that matters, the worst thing that can happen there is you'll think a thought, you'll believe it, and you'll feel horrible. That's the worst that can happen, is a negative feeling, is a feeling of rejection, is a feeling of humiliation.
And if you're willing to allow the worst emotion to go through, flow through your body, there's nothing you're not going to be willing to do. There's nothing, and I think one of the things that I've been thinking a lot about is just practicing being rejected. So I ask people all the time, like whenever I order a bottle of wine at a restaurant, I ask if I can have it for half price.
Do you think we could get that for half off? And they always look at me. No?
Okay. So I ask, I ask all the time, I ask, can we sit here? Can we do this?
Do you think we could have this at a discount? Can you throw that in for free? Can we have an upgrade?
And most of the time, people say no. But I get good at hearing no. It doesn't bother me as much anymore.
Right? So that's what you're being invited to do. That's your payment for being an actress.
And the question is, are you willing to pay it? You know, and here's the other thing. Standing tall and saying, yes, this is the training I have.
Yes, this is when I started as an actress and I own it. And it doesn't make me less of an actress. It makes me a better actress.
And here's why. And that's what you go with. But I'll tell you something.
You have to believe in yourself twice as much as they do. You cannot go in there expecting them to believe in you more than you believe in yourself. It's unfair.
It's delegating your work to them, and they're not going to want to do it, and I don't blame them. Right? So you take care of believing in you.
That's all you have to do. And truly, that's all you can control. You can control if you believe in you, which is work you need to do, and you can control how many agents you talk to and how many additions you go on.
The rest of it, you can't control, so release it. You can't control whether they believe in you. You can't control any of that.
But you can control how you show up and what you're willing to deliver and how much confidence you have. Right? And your dream is expecting you to do that.
You're expecting you to do that for you. So I would get on it.
Right.
Awesome.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
You really gave me the best career advice. I've gone to career coaches, and you're much better, so...
Thank you. And I'm not even a career coach, but here's the thing. I know what it's like to have a dream and to not be going after it.
It's torture. It's torture. And I promise you, going after it won't be worse than that.
That I can promise you.
Right. Cool. All right.
Awesome. Thank you so much for volunteering. I think that was probably helpful for a lot of people.
Okay. Let's see. Amanda, are you here?
I am here.
Okay.
So do you want me to read your e-mail or do you want to just tell me? I can just tell you.
It's somewhat similar. I've been in the same job for about 10 years now. And I would say for about 5 years, I've been saying that I need to leave and I need to find something, another job that I where I feel like I'm more passionate and it's a better fit for my skills.
But I've been feeling like, I don't know the best way to describe it, like that's just inertia. And over the years, it's just gotten stronger and stronger to the point where I feel like this is as good as it gets. And that they're really, I feel like, I guess the best way to put it is like a resignation, that this is just the way it's going to be.
And, you know, I do, at times, I try to set goals for myself and motivate myself, but I just don't get anywhere.
Yeah. So it's very similar, right? It's really exactly the same thing Jennifer's talking about.
Like you have an inkling that you want to do something that you're more passionate about. She has an inkling that she wants to act more because she knows she loves it. But it is really more comfortable in some ways to stay in the familiar.
We misinterpret familiarity for comfort, and it's a big dream stealer, right? Because we get what we call stuck. Now, when you say, this is just the way it's going to be, this is just it.
Again, you're making that sound like you're just making an observation about your life. But really, you're making a choice when you say that.
Right. When you were talking before, that hit me. Yes.
Yeah. It's absolutely a choice. Now, why not just stay in this current job?
I feel dead. I feel... Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah. Well, no, I feel like there are days where I'm really, I'm bored. There are days I almost feel like I'm like a walking zombie.
You know, it's like just getting from A to B to C. And I don't feel like I'm using my skills in the way that I could. But then there's the safety part of it where it's a decent paying job, you got benefits.
And I never thought I'd be that kind of person, but, you know, there's a little bit of fear of what if I make a... I do get another job and, you know, my world falls apart.
Well, here's the thing. The way that you speak is as if your life happens to you, right? So the job happens to you.
The new job will happen to you. If you get another job... So let me tell you how my mind works so you can have some perspective, right?
So if I'm in a job that I... The only thing about the job that I like is that they pay my health insurance and they give me a check that pays my bills. That's the only thing I like about it, right?
So I think I'm going to go to a different job where I might be more passionate, I might like it more, but I may not like it more. So I'm going to go try that job, and if I don't like that one, I'm just going to go get another one. And I'm going to keep going and trying to get jobs until I find one that I truly like.
But the other piece of that is, is you have to understand why you don't like the job you're in. Because in order to find a job that you know you'll be more passionate about, you have to figure out what's going on inside of you. So that's why you're in kind of that reactive mode, because you're like, I don't know why I feel the way I do, so I'm just going to switch jobs, and maybe that job will change the way I feel.
But if you really understand why you feel dispassionate about this job and you're not enjoying it, and you're really clear why, then you'll be able to make a much more conscious, deliberate decision about where you want to go and why. And here's the thing, you'll be willing to risk the health insurance, you'll be willing to risk the paycheck, because you'll believe in yourself enough to know that safety is something you can create, not something that your job gives you. And I think that is one of the biggest changes we've had from our parents' generation to our generation, right?
Because in our parents' generation, they really did believe that their corporations provided them with safety. They had their pension, you stayed in a career your whole life, you had your benefits, you had your insurance, you had everything within that. And times have really changed.
I mean, you can get laid off in a hot minute now. So I think there's less of a belief in that, right? There's less of a knowing that you're going to be safe or that some company can provide that for you.
So, if you weren't worried about the insurance and you weren't worried about the paycheck, those are the two reasons, then what would prevent you from leaving?
Nothing, really.
Nothing, okay.
Yeah, I mean, there is a little bit of what was talked about earlier, a little bit of feeling of inadequacy. So it's almost like my own, you know, it's a way of protecting myself, the whole rejection type thing.
Yeah. So going out and interviewing for jobs and putting resumes out there and exploring or even switching jobs and facing that potential rejection, which is something you're not experiencing in your current job.
Right.
Right. So then the question becomes, and I don't know the answer for you, but you have to make a decision, right? Is the pain that you're feeling in the job now of not being rejected, of having the safety and the security that you believe your job is providing for you, is that more important than you loving your job and enjoying it?
No. No, it's not. And the fact that it's sort of the feelings, it robs me from energy and that affects other areas of my life.
So, you know, I, yeah, no, it's not.
Okay, so the worst thing that can happen is you quit your job, you go get another job, and you hate it? Yes. Okay.
Well, then you're just right where you are now, right? Yeah.
Yeah. Pretty much. Pretty much.
Yes.
So, I mean, really, the worst, worst thing that can happen is that you quit your job, you go to another job, and then they fire you, right? No job. Okay.
Right.
So, is that the worst thing that could happen? Because tell me where you would be then.
Then I would be looking for something else. I would just keep looking for something else. And in some ways, I almost kind of wish I would get fired, which makes no sense at all.
So, let's think about this for a minute. The worst thing that could happen is that you could get fired, and then you would be out looking for a job. But what you presented me with on this call is that you wish that you were out looking for a job.
Yes, yes. Right?
So isn't that wild? It's like the very thing we're most afraid of is the exact thing that we need to be doing.
Right. Right?
So for you, the question becomes, are you the one in control of your life? Are you the one navigating and creating your life, or are you letting your life happen to you? Right?
Are you on default mode, just allowing it to happen? It sounds like you've been in this job, letting that happen for about five years.
Yes.
And it's completely deflating you. So you say, I wish they would fire me because I don't have the guts. I don't have the courage.
I'm not utilizing the courage to go out there and get it for myself. I want someone to do it for me.
Well, in the past, jobs have been meaning that I've been in a job and another job, you know, it's just been related. And so it's just that's in the way it is. And I get now that I need to create that and it's not comfortable.
Right.
Right. And so I think that's the important question to ask yourself is to say, first, I like to think, what will my future self say? What would my future self say to me?
Ten years from now, if I'm in the same job, what would I say to me? Or what would I say to me if I took all these risks and spiced it up a little bit and risked a little bit in my life? And, you know, the worst thing that can happen is sometimes the best thing that can happen.
And one of the things that you need to understand is, I think the reason you don't like this job is because you aren't fulfilling your potential. Not only in the job that you have, but in your willingness to create your own life. So if you felt more adequate, if you felt more capable, if you felt more determined, first of all, you'd be much happier in the job you're in because you would recognize that you have the choice to leave.
So I've seen this happen with my clients so often. Once they get the courage enough and they feel adequate enough to start looking for a job, they start enjoying their job more because it's not the job that's providing them with the happiness or, you know what I mean? It's them.
So that's what you have to determine is how do you want to feel about yourself. It is not a default. How you feel about yourself isn't something that's just happening.
It's something you are creating. You're creating your life, right, whether you're acknowledging it or not, right? So the life you're choosing is this one.
That's scary. Yeah.
It didn't just happen to you. It's a choice, and you choose to do it every time. What's a job you would like to have?
I would like to have a job where I'm actually more hands-on. Now what I do, I'd like to be actually working with people, doing more, working in a nonprofit, doing hands-on work. And right now, I do grants, so I review grants and make recommendations and things for the people who are actually doing the work.
So I'd rather be one of the people doing the work.
Right. So it sounds like you might have a lot of contacts for that. I do.
I do.
Yeah. So I want you to, and this is something I do with myself, right? I do a lot of future self-work with myself.
So if I knew that within one year, I for sure would have a job with one of these organizations, it's a done deal. I would for sure have the job, and I'd be making more money, and I'd have full benefits, and I would be working with people that were more like-minded, and I would be much more alive in the work that I was doing. If I knew that it was going to happen for me, which is kind of how you like to look at your life, right?
Yeah. What would I do differently? How would you show up differently?
What would you do? If my future self says, listen, this is where we end up, but you have to do the work to get here, what would you do?
I would start networking. I would start doing the research and looking into the different opportunities. And I would feel more confident.
I think that would just make me feel a little more alive.
And here's the thing. If you were to talk to, I mean, let's use the example like we were using with Jennifer. If you were to talk to maybe 50 of these organizations, that you could potentially could work, because it sounds like your skill set might be amazingly valuable to them.
Yeah. So if you were to talk to 50 of them, your chances of one of them giving you an interview, pretty high. Yeah.
Sure. Yeah.
So that's what we talk about with the do goals, right? Whatever you think you might need to do, I like to times it by 10. Wow.
And then it makes the destination inevitable. So if you believed that you could create that for yourself, if you would create that, what you have to think about is, how would you have to feel in order to do all that? What you said is confident.
So what you need to do is create the brain space that generates confidence. And when you feel confident, you're going to take that action for yourself. Now, you're also going to need to feel a lot of courage because you're afraid, right?
Right. And you think that you're just apathetic because you've just accepted that this is your life, but I think apathetic feels better to you than fear. So I think that's what you're choosing to do.
But they're both uncomfortable. So I would just try a new flavor of discomfort, right? And think about that at the end of, you know, how do you want to feel about you at the end of the day?
How do you want to feel towards yourself? What do you want to do? What are you willing to do for yourself?
I think that's kind of a different way of looking at it. I mean, the both you guys are struggling with. It's a really powerful way to do it.
And remember, the worst that can happen is that you'll be looking for a job.
True.
And what you want to be doing is looking for a job.
Right?
So pay attention to how you're thinking about your current job. If you bash your current job, you're just going to be feeling terrible. So you don't want to do that.
But how do you want to think about yourself and your potential and where you want to go? And that's going to generate that confidence for you.
Okay, that's great. Yeah, yeah. I love the future self.
That's great. That really helps a lot.
Totally. Awesome. Awesome.
Yeah. You don't want to say, like, sorry, I didn't do that for you. Sorry, we're still here.
Ten years later.
Exactly. True.
All right. Thank you.
Yeah, I'm so glad that both of you had that similar thing. And there were two other people that had the exact same thing that wanted to be coached today. So even though I wasn't able to coach you, I hope you really benefited from what we talked about with Amanda and Jennifer, because it truly is up to you whether you live the life you want.
You're creating your life either way. Your life is your choice either way. You get to decide what you want to do with it.
And you have to earn your dreams. You have to earn it. But I tell you what, even though it's hard, there is nothing better.
I don't think that we came to this planet to be comfortable. I think the work, the reason why the work is so gratifying, is because it's the direction we're meant to be going. So for any of you on this call listening, that would be my wish for you, is that each of you would think about, what is my dream and am I willing to earn it?
The worst that can happen is a negative emotion. And you're probably already feeling a negative emotion if you're not already trying to achieve your dream. So really think about that for yourself, all of you, because that can be the most powerful change that you ever make, is just deciding that you're going to go after and earn your dream.
Whether it ends up where you think it's going to end up or not doesn't become the most important thing. The most important thing is that you went out there, and inspiration found you working, all right? So we're going to do another call in another two weeks.
Any of you that still want coaching, make sure you resubmit, and we will talk to you all in two weeks. I think that call will be at 10 a.m., but Chris will for sure send out the information. Have a wonderful evening, everybody, and take care.
Bye-bye.
Thank you for listening to The Life Coach School Podcast. It would be incredibly awesome if you would take a moment to write a quick review on iTunes. For any questions, comments, or coaching issues you would like to hear on the show, please visit us at www.thelifecoachschool.com.
