Values

You can create a life that looks successful and still find yourself living in a way that does not feel like you.

One place to look is your values.

What do you truly value? Are you making decisions from those values, or from the circumstances and opinions around you?

When you identify what matters to you and live into it, you create a life that is valuable to you. That is different from choosing a list of things you think you should value.

Make values active in your decisions

I had heard the advice to choose a mission statement and company values many times. Business books and consultants recommended it.

But those values did not feel active in my life until I started working with Trudi.

When I came to her with a difficult decision, she would bring us back to the values. Which choice supported them more?

That changed the way I understood their purpose.

Values are not only words we write down. They can inform every major decision we make.

They help us decide which direction we want to go.

Your personal values and your company's values can differ

At a team retreat, we revisited the School's vision and values.

I had been thinking about separating my personal vision and values from those of the company. We concluded they were different.

So we started again. We chose to think about the company as its own entity rather than assume everything I valued personally needed to be its value.

Before doing that, we reviewed our earlier values and the actions we had taken. It was powerful to see how much alignment there had been.

The question was whether those were the values we wanted to continue choosing.

You can appreciate what your values have helped you create and still reconsider how you want to move forward.

Look at what your values create

One of our earlier values was being an example of what is possible.

That came from my personal desire to be an example of what was possible for a woman working online as a life coach. I had lived into that value and could see the evidence of it.

Another was being thoughtful: thinking things through and acknowledging the power of our thoughts.

I do not want people simply living from recycled, socialized, or unconscious thoughts. I want them choosing thoughts for themselves.

In the company, that meant asking people to bring their own ideas rather than only ask for mine. Instead of handing me a question or decision, I wanted them to think through their answer.

We wanted to use every person's brain and ideas.

Other values included inclusivity and making hard work fun. I enjoy ambition, accomplishment, and creation. Someone who does not enjoy being challenged or working hard may not enjoy that environment.

These values influenced hiring, work, and decisions. They were visible in how the company operated.

Begin with an honest list

Trudi asked me to write down all my personal values and look for evidence of them in my life.

That exercise helped me see how my consciously chosen values had created a life that was valuable to me.

I recommend doing the same.

Do not make it complicated or turn it into a research project. Sit down and brainstorm what you truly value.

Your list can be private. You do not have to share anything you do not want to make public.

If you value your parents' opinion, you may create a life that is valuable to them. If you value your health or the way your body looks, you may spend your time creating what matters to you in that area.

Look honestly at your life rather than only write an admirable list.

Ask whether you actually value it

For each item, ask whether it is something you think you should value or something you actually value.

The way you live gives you information.

You may also recognize something you value intellectually but have not been living into. That is an opportunity to make different choices.

No one else can tell you exactly what will make your life valuable to you. I do not believe there is one correct set of values everyone should choose.

The honesty of your answer matters more than making it sound right to someone else.

Use language that means something to you

One of my values is outrageous financial success and independence.

I have valued that throughout my life. It is one way I have wanted to be an example of what is possible.

I have received criticism for being public about it, especially as a woman. But I believe financial independence can be powerful for women, both because of the growth it requires and because it gives us more opportunities to say no.

I understand there are many ways to measure success. I still encourage those who feel drawn to it to consider financial success and independence as something they may want to value.

I also value fun, laughter, freedom, women's empowerment, love, acceptance, self-care, conscious self-awareness, punctuality, integrity, contribution, and self-actualization.

For me, acceptance includes seeing every human as fully worthy.

Someone might wonder why my list does not separately name family or friends. For me, they are included in love. So am I.

The words need to mean something to you. They do not have to express your priorities in someone else's language.

Notice conflicting values

After making a long list, consider choosing about four values as your priorities.

Those become a filter you can use when making decisions.

Then look for conflicts.

You may say you value financial success while also valuing comfort, other people's opinions, fitting in, and avoiding criticism.

Those priorities can pull you in different directions.

Understanding that conflict may help explain why your life is not working the way you want. You may also find a way to reconcile values that seemed contradictory at first.

Be willing to look at what you are actually choosing.

Consider the life these values will create

Fast-forward your life.

What kind of person will you become if these are the things you most value? What kind of life will you have?

Are your current decisions moving you in that direction?

When I recorded this episode, I described a period earlier that year when I had not felt aligned. Circumstances had changed, and I was valuing those circumstances over what truly mattered to me.

Recognizing that led me to make a significant change.

Life can feel like a bullet train. It is challenging to question where you are going, what is fueling the journey, and whether you want that destination.

But pausing to check your values gives you a way to do it consciously.

Look for alignment in your own life

You can do this exercise as an individual, a couple, a family, or a business.

Understanding what you value helps direct both individual and collective decisions.

If you want, share the values you are comfortable sharing with a loved one. Ask whether they see those values reflected in how you live.

They may recognize them immediately. They may also be surprised by something that does not seem aligned with your behavior.

That can give you something useful to consider for yourself.

Choose what is most valuable to you. Look honestly at whether you are living into it.

Then let those values inform the decisions that create your life.