Solve Your Problems

What exactly is the problem?

That question may sound obvious. But often we begin reacting before we have answered it.

We mix circumstances, opinions, frustration, blame, and other problems into one heavy story. Then we try to solve the whole thing at once—or avoid it entirely.

I want to show you a way to separate the pieces and approach the problem consciously.

The work begins with understanding what you are calling a problem and how you are thinking about it.

Separate circumstances from thoughts

A problem is a combination of circumstances and your thoughts about them.

The circumstance by itself is not yet the problem. You think about it, compare it with something you want, and identify something to solve.

That does not mean you should never create a problem in your mind.

Recognizing something as a problem can be useful. It can be how we create change, solve something important, and evolve.

The goal is to do it consciously rather than create unnecessary problems without noticing.

Write down the circumstances separately from the thoughts you have about them. That gives you a clearer place to begin.

Define it as simply as possible

How you describe the problem influences the solutions you can imagine.

If you combine it with blame, frustration, and a whole collection of other problems, it becomes harder to understand.

I encourage you to define it as simply and positively as you can.

That does not mean pretending it is not important. It means giving yourself a description you can work with.

You are creating the problem in your mind. You will also create possible solutions there.

Being thoughtful about the definition can help you be more creative with the solution.

Step into the watcher role

Instead of buffering against a problem or pushing it away, observe it.

What are the facts? What are your thoughts? How have you been describing it? How do you want to describe it?

Then ask about possible solutions.

This puts you in a position of witnessing your life rather than being completely caught inside the problem.

You can step back, understand what you are doing with your mind, and choose how to proceed.

Some problems can end with a different thought

Suppose your best friend does not acknowledge your birthday.

You think she is inconsiderate and should have remembered. Now you have a problem in the relationship.

You could choose a different interpretation.

You might know she loves you, recognize she is busy, and decide remembering birthdays is not the reason you value the friendship.

With that thinking, the same event may no longer be a problem for you.

You could also take responsibility for communicating what you want. If a birthday acknowledgment matters to you, remind her and tell her what you would enjoy.

That gives you something you can do instead of requiring her to remember without help.

This is one option, not a rule for every situation. There are problems you do not want to resolve simply by changing your thoughts about them.

Look for the cause, not only the symptom

If changing your thoughts is not the solution you want, ask what caused the problem.

Sometimes we spend our time solving symptoms of a bigger problem.

The symptoms may need attention. But if we never address the cause, we can keep encountering them.

When I work with my team, I slow down and ask how something happened.

What caused it? How do we prevent it in the future? What is the simplest way to address the main cause?

That inquiry can be more useful than repeatedly reacting to the same result.

Do not expect to run out of problems

You might believe that if you solve enough problems, you will reach a point where there are none left.

Then you grow the business, get promoted, find a partner, or have children—and discover more problems.

That does not mean you failed to solve the previous ones.

Solutions often create new problems. That is part of how we evolve.

Cars solved a transportation problem. They also created problems, including emissions, that require further solutions.

I think of problems as making me smarter, more creative, more experienced, and more evolved.

They are the weights in the gym. I do not have to arrange my life around avoiding every one.

Solving is different from walking away

Imagine deciding that your work does not make enough impact.

You could quit the job. That removes the situation you were calling a problem.

But you may not have learned how to create the impact you wanted.

I am not saying you should never leave a job. I am asking you to distinguish solving a problem from simply eliminating the situation.

You could first define what impact means to you and look for ways to create it in the environment you have.

That may reveal an opportunity you had not considered.

Think of the difference between solving a puzzle and leaving it in the box because it looks hard.

You no longer have to deal with the puzzle if you leave it there. But you also have not created the completed puzzle you wanted.

Understanding the process matters more than guessing the answer

I once asked a young family member to work out how much money could grow through compound interest in a CD.

I explained that she would need to study the idea and understand how it worked.

She kept guessing at the answer.

If she guessed correctly, she could have the answer without knowing how to get it again.

That moment made me think about how often we want the solution immediately without going through the process of solving.

Learning the process gives you a skill you can use again.

You may need to practice, study, try, and get it wrong along the way.

Defining a problem simply does not mean the solution will arrive instantly.

Use your problems as a curriculum

Write down what you think is a problem in your life.

If you have a goal, include the obstacles between you and that goal.

Separate the circumstances from your thoughts. Then ask whether you want to change the thinking so it is no longer a problem, or keep it as a problem you want to solve.

Look for the cause. Consider possible solutions. Ask how the work could develop you.

You can approach a problem as a puzzle, a game, or an opportunity rather than only as something to complain about.

If one solution does not work, create another.

The more you practice, the more experience and resources you have for the next problem.

Ask whether your decision helps you grow

Quitting, hiding, rejecting, or buffering may remove something from view without developing the skill you want.

Ask whether you are growing through the decision you are making about the problem.

If you are, keep working on it.

Some of the biggest problems, clearly defined, can lead to elegant and creative solutions.

You do not need a life with no problems. You can create a life in which you understand them, solve them consciously, and use the work to become more of who you are.