Secrets of My Success

When people ask how I became successful, my first answer is the Model.

Sometimes they want to move past that quickly. They want the tactics, the business strategies, and the specific things I did.

I am happy to share tactics. But without managing your mind, knowing the tactic isn't enough.

When a student or friend comes to me with something that isn't working, I still ask what they are thinking. Uncovering the thought often explains why the action isn't producing what they want.

Mindset isn't the introduction you skip to get to the important part. It is the important part.

Use the Model, not just the idea of it

Listening to these concepts and liking them isn't the same as applying them.

Write down the circumstance, thought, feeling, action, and result. See what your thinking is creating.

Thoughts create feelings. Feelings drive actions. Actions create results. I didn't invent that truth; the Model is how I teach and work with it.

It has been the foundation of my success, and I keep returning to it even after years of practice.

Build shame resilience

Knowing that shame comes from a thought doesn't mean I can always stop the thought or immediately change it.

I have a strong practice of thought work, and I still experience shame.

Instead of trying to outsmart it, I have accepted that an extraordinary life may include experiencing it regularly.

That willingness creates freedom.

On a trip to Mexico with my kids, I was in a shame spiral. I knew the thought wasn't logical, but I couldn't get myself out of it.

I decided to allow the feeling and let it vibrate through my body. It took time. But consciously processing it helped me see that I could feel shame without needing to avoid everything that might bring it up.

If fear of shame keeps you from bigger goals or putting yourself out there, learning to process it can change what you are willing to attempt.

Show up when you don't feel like it

I tried to record a podcast while I was in Jamaica and discovered I had brought the wrong cord for my microphone.

When I got home, I wanted to unpack, shower, and relax. My brain offered plenty of alternatives to recording. I could use an old episode, wait until I felt like it, or let it be late.

I recorded it.

I show up for myself, my business, and my future self. Consistently doing what I said I would do is a major part of success.

That means making the offers, writing the articles, recording, teaching, and being there for clients.

Your brain may prefer pleasure, avoiding pain, and using as little effort as possible. Understanding those tendencies helps you stop letting them decide every time you don't feel like working.

Following through is a mental skill worth developing.

Create without comparing

I don't create my teaching by looking around to see what other teachers are producing.

I study to change myself. I study business to improve my business, the brain to understand my thinking, and emotions to work with my own experience.

As I do that work, I develop ideas and ways to teach.

When I learn from someone else's material, I am their student. When I teach, I create from my own thinking and experience.

Different teachers can offer the same underlying truths in different ways. That is beautiful. We don't all need to create the same work.

I want other people to win. Their success isn't evidence against mine.

Staying in my lane lets me ask what I can create instead of whether I am better or worse than someone else.

Keep moving through panic and stress

When I feel panic or stress, I allow it and use the energy to keep moving.

I don't treat it as an automatic reason to stop working.

This isn't about beating yourself up, hustling through the night, or demanding long, unreasonable hours. It is about not shutting down simply because you woke up worried.

I can have that feeling and still get my work done.

Resisting or hiding from the emotion can be exhausting. Allowing it gives me another option.

Work hard without working at your own expense

At The Life Coach School, we work hard and move quickly. But I don't want that speed to come at the expense of the company or the people in it.

When we need to take our foot off the gas, we do.

I ask what we need so we can keep moving without people burning out.

There isn't a future destination where life stops being fifty-fifty. It isn't better there than here. We are scaling what we do now, so how we work now matters.

Taking care of ourselves has to be part of it.

Remember the larger perspective

I remind myself that I am going to die.

That can sound grim, but for me it creates freedom. If I have this life to use, I want to see what I can do with it.

There is a useful contradiction: this matters enormously, and it doesn't matter at all.

The shame and failed attempts become less important when I step back. I become more willing to take chances and try hard things.

I want to evolve into the highest version of myself while I am here.

Remember whom you are helping

If one person has a better life because of my work, I want to keep creating it.

When I think about a bigger stage, I think about the people I could help. When I coach, I want to focus on them instead of whether they will like me.

I won't manipulate someone into buying a program, particularly if they don't want it or can't afford it.

But if someone wants to grow and doesn't believe in themselves, I want to help them see what is possible.

I don't stop believing in a student because they haven't made money yet. They still have the capacity, even if they choose not to use it or need to keep working through failure.

Is success harder for some people? Absolutely. I don't think that means it is unavailable to them.

Manage your mind. Show up. Allow shame. Create your own work. Take care of yourself and remember the people you want to serve.

Those are the practices I return to. Let's go.