The Process of Change

Awkwardness is part of learning a new way to think and act.

You decide to change. You understand what you want. You can even describe the person you want to become.

Then the practice feels awkward, and you wonder whether you are doing it wrong.

That moment matters. Change often requires conscious effort before a new pattern feels natural. If you interpret discomfort as failure, you may stop precisely where practice is needed.

Choose one specific thing that is not working

Start with a concrete result in your life. A general statement about being unhappy gives you very little to work with. A specific problem lets you examine what is happening.

Perhaps you are not making offers in your business. Perhaps a task has remained unfinished for weeks. Write about that one issue for a few minutes.

Then ask what you are doing, or not doing, that contributes to the result. This is responsibility, not an invitation to attack yourself. Seeing your participation gives you something you can change.

Put your current and desired Models side by side

Write the result you currently have and the actions that create it. Next, name the result you want as specifically as you can. What actions would help you create that result?

Now fill in the feelings and thoughts for each Model. Thoughts create feelings, feelings drive actions, and actions create results. Keep the circumstance the same so you can see the difference your thinking and behavior make.

For an unfinished task, your current thought might be that you cannot do it well enough. Anxiety could drive delay, leaving the task incomplete. The new Model might use willingness to support completing a first attempt and learning from it.

You are identifying a pattern to practice, rather than writing a promise that everything will suddenly be easy.

Understand the space between the Models

I call the uncomfortable gap between your current Model and the one you want the river of misery. The old pattern is familiar. The new one requires attention.

Think of learning to ride a unicycle. Knowing how it works does not mean your first attempt will be graceful. You expect awkwardness and repeated practice.

Changing your thinking can feel similar. You may understand a new thought and still return to the old habit. That is useful information about what needs practice, rather than proof that you cannot change.

Practice the feeling as well as the words

Writing down a new thought does not automatically make you believe it. Ask what you feel when you think it.

If the sentence creates no connection with the emotion you intended, keep working with it. Visualize how the person you want to become would handle a real situation. What would that person think, feel, and do?

Then practice an action from that perspective. If you want to become someone who finishes work, make room for an imperfect first draft. Let the practice teach you something.

Give repetition a place in your day

You do not need to overhaul every part of your life at once. Choose one thought and give it a few minutes of deliberate practice each day.

Review the two Models. Notice which one you spend more time rehearsing. Practice the new thinking, connect with its feeling, and take the actions available to you.

There may be a point when something that once required attention begins to feel ordinary. You will not reach that point by demanding effortlessness at the beginning.

When the process feels cumbersome, return to the specific change you chose. Ask what needs another attempt. Keep practicing the way of thinking and acting you want to make familiar.