Negative Self Noise

You may think you are describing the facts when you say you are not good enough, not capable, or stuck.

But you may be listening to negative self noise.

It is the familiar commentary in your brain that judges you, your life, and the world. It has been there so long that you may not recognize it as thinking.

I want you to notice that noise—not so you can force yourself to be positive, but so you can decide which thoughts you want to keep.

Negative noise is not the same as chosen negative emotion

I do not teach constant positivity.

Sometimes we want negative thoughts and feelings about what has happened.

If someone is hurt or a spouse is unfaithful, you may want to feel pain. You do not necessarily need to change your thoughts to make the situation seem wonderful.

I have coached people who want to eliminate negative feelings when what they really need is room to process them.

That is different from the unconscious negative commentary I call noise.

Noise creates unnecessary suffering without your deliberate choice.

Do not replace it with words you do not believe

Repeating that everything is great while your brain argues that it is not will not help.

Affirmations can be useful when you believe them or want to develop belief in them.

They are not useful simply because the words are positive.

The work begins with awareness.

What is your brain saying? Which thoughts reflect what you want to feel about your life? Which ones are not serving you?

You can choose without pretending.

Get the thoughts out where you can see them

I teach a thought download: write down what is in your brain.

You can use paper, a computer, or your phone.

The point is to see the thoughts outside your mind and recognize that you are separate from them.

They are not automatically reality.

Ask which ones you want to keep and which you want to change.

Which create clean pain you want to process? Which create unnecessary suffering?

Sometimes you change a thought deliberately. Sometimes noticing it is enough for it to lose its hold.

My brain went straight to catastrophe

During a physical, I had an EKG that my primary care office wanted a cardiologist to review.

As soon as I heard that the result was not normal, my brain began catastrophizing.

I did not yet understand what it meant. But my mind quickly decided I was going to die.

I started searching online and imagining what I had done wrong with my health.

I believe in research and advocating for ourselves. In this situation, though, the negative noise had taken over.

My assistant found an appointment within a couple of days, and I still created a tremendous amount of drama in my brain while waiting.

Writing helped me see what I had added

The cardiologist saw the same result and explained that, in my case, it was an abnormality that did not mean something was wrong with me.

The primary care office had wanted to check.

That was my particular outcome, not a prediction about anyone else's test.

What stood out to me was how much my brain had created before I had the information.

I wrote down the thoughts and could see the conclusions I was jumping to.

Seeing them helped me become calmer and more compassionate toward my brain.

Even when a diagnosis does reveal something significant, catastrophic noise does not necessarily help us care for ourselves or make decisions.

Appreciate the brain that can examine itself

I love my brain. I think of it as an extraordinary asset.

It can think about what it thinks about. It can analyze itself and create.

It also tries to protect me by looking for danger.

When that produces negative noise, I do not need to hate my brain. I can understand the protective impulse and decide what is useful.

We can use awareness to supervise automatic thinking rather than let every conclusion direct us.

Notice the quiet noise on an ordinary day

Not all negative noise arrives after a big trigger.

Sometimes it is the low-grade stream you hardly notice.

A client kept telling me she was not good at things she needed to do for her goal. She thought she was simply giving me information.

I asked whether continually saying that was useful.

Even if she had evidence for the thought, there might be evidence against it. And repeating it could still be hurting her.

Would you call a friend several times every day to remind her she was not good at something?

Probably not.

Notice when that is how you speak to yourself.

Your guesses about other people's thoughts can add another layer

You may also tell yourself that other people think you are stupid, do not like you, or will criticize you.

Those guesses can fill an entire thought download.

By the end of a day, all that commentary can leave you exhausted, frustrated, and stuck.

A thought such as not being good enough can quietly influence much of your life if you never uncover it.

Bring it into your awareness rather than push it away.

Then ask whether it is something you want to continue believing.

Eavesdrop on your own mind

When I walk or drive, I listen to myself think.

I notice whether the commentary is more negative than I realized.

Your judgments about others can offer another clue. If your mind is constantly criticizing people, look at whether you are also criticizing yourself.

For me, cleaning up negative noise is like dusting.

It is not something I do once and never need again. If I become less conscious, the noise can return without my noticing.

Pay attention when you wake up, during ordinary moments, and after something triggers a strong reaction.

Choose what serves you

You can keep negative thoughts that reflect your values and the feelings you want to have.

You do not have to call something wonderful when it hurts.

But you can also stop repeating judgments that are mean, unhelpful, or based on conclusions you have not examined.

Write them down. Look at them. Decide consciously.

Your brain can produce noise, and it can learn to think differently.

Give yourself the opportunity to use that ability for the life you want to create.