Fight For It

When something matters to you, are you willing to fight for it?

I am not talking about whining, complaining, or deciding someone else should make your life work. I mean putting your own effort behind what you want. Asking. Trying. Being willing to give something of yourself.

That is usually my default. If I want something, I try to find a way. I do not know how much of that comes from my personality, ambition, or privilege. But I notice that some people meet an obstacle and immediately give up.

They wanted the relationship. They wanted the job. They wanted the business. Yet they never really fought for it.

Ask what you can do

I arrived at the airport in Las Vegas about an hour before my flight. The lines to check bags were incredibly long. I checked outside, inside, and the priority line. Every option looked like it would take too long.

I could have stood there complaining. I could have been angry at everyone working there. But I had arrived late. That was my responsibility.

Instead, I asked for help. I explained that I was late, acknowledged it was my fault, and asked what my options were. A skycap helped me get my bags checked. I tipped him generously, went through expedited security, and made the flight.

My approach was not to demand that someone fix my problem. It was to look for a solution and be willing to make an effort.

That does not mean I always get what I want. I do not. But I am willing to try.

Do not make other people responsible

There is a difference between fighting for something and blaming people because you do not have it.

When you blame, your focus is on what someone else should have done. When you fight for what you want, your focus is on what you are willing to do.

What can you ask? What can you offer? What effort have you not made yet?

You may not have the same resources I had at the airport. But you can still ask for help. You can still look for an option instead of assuming there is none.

I want you to notice whether you are participating in creating what you want, or waiting for someone to hand it to you.

Be willing to risk vulnerability

This comes up in relationships all the time.

Someone is devastated that a relationship is ending, but they are not willing to say how much they want it. They are not willing to risk being vulnerable. They want the other person to be the one who makes the effort.

If that relationship matters to you, what are you willing to do for it?

Are you willing to have the conversation? To express what you want? To risk feeling embarrassed or losing face?

You do not know whether your effort will produce the outcome you want. That is part of the risk. But you can know you showed up for something important to you.

I have coached many people who have not spoken to a sister for years. When I ask whether they want that relationship, they say yes. Then we look at what they are willing to do to create it.

Calling may feel hard. Expressing love may feel vulnerable. The other person may still not want a relationship. But you can make the effort and have your own back.

Fight for your work

The same question applies to your job.

If you are being let go and you want to stay, have you asked what would need to change? Have you explored whether there is another role? Have you considered how you could contribute differently?

I have been surprised by how few people fight for a job they say they want.

This does not guarantee an employer will change their decision. It means you are willing to participate instead of simply accept an outcome without asking a question.

And in your business, are you actually making a sustained effort?

I see young entrepreneurs give up within a year and say the business did not work. Sometimes there has not been much of a fight. There has been an obstacle, disappointment, and a conclusion that they were never good enough.

Before you decide that, look honestly at what you have done. Have you given this the effort you wanted to give it?

Your way of fighting is yours to choose

I have read stories about people who kept working for a relationship long after others might have given up. What interested me was their willingness to keep showing up for something they valued.

That does not mean their specific choices are recommendations for everyone. How you fight for something is individual. It may not work.

The question is what matters to you and what you are willing to do for it.

Sometimes that is a big thing, like a business or a relationship. Sometimes it is a small thing, like finding a way to make your flight.

In either case, you can look for what is available to you rather than spend all your energy explaining why other people are at fault.

Know that you gave it your effort

You can fight for something and lose. I want to be clear about that.

But there is a difference between losing after you put your heart and effort into it, and walking away without ever really trying.

When I know I have done what I was willing to do, I can have my own back. I do not have to regret the effort simply because I did not get the result.

Think about something you say you want. What have you been willing to do for it? What have you avoided because it might feel uncomfortable or vulnerable?

Stop complaining, shaming, and blaming. Ask what you can do. Be willing to put yourself into the effort.

Fight for you.