You are listening to the Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 533.
Hey friends, welcome to my three-part series on becoming a badass. I am going to take you on a very confronting journey for any of you who is ready, who's ready to take your life to the next level and become a motherfucking badass because I have had so many people ask me over the past five years, how do I create the success that I want in my life? How do I create the success that you have in your life, Brooke?
And I have been asking myself this question: How do I help other people become successful? How do I help other people create what I created? Because I know that you don't have to be the smartest person in the room. You don't have to have a childhood that was perfect in order to have an extraordinary life. So how do you become a badass is the question that I have been asking myself. And truly, what I have realized is that the people who I run into that have created the most success in their life, they're all badasses.
I just moved into this new development here in Lake Tahoe, and it's a very expensive development where it's all custom homes. People are building all their own homes and you're required to join the country club as part of entry into this neighborhood. And so I have met a lot of extraordinarily successful people who have created amazing contributions in the world and wealth in their lives. Every single one of them without exception is a badass.
And I think what's happening is a lot of people are trying to become successful. They're trying to get the badass results without actually becoming a badass. And so that's my thesis over these next three sessions, these next three podcasts, is really to teach you about being a badass, what it is, how to become it, and then the obstacles that are going to get in your way, and then the tools to utilize and to continue to utilize to create your new identity as a badass and to produce the results that badasses produce.
So the first question becomes, do you want to be a badass? And it's a really genuine question because a lot of people just want the results. They don't actually want to become the person who produces those results. And that's a very big distinction.
So first, let's define what it is. A badass, when I look it up, a badass is described as someone who's tough, uncompromising, intimidating, admirable, impressive. They don't mind resistance. They handle suffering well, and they aren't afraid to be strong. Okay? I love this definition. I think it incorporates a lot of what I believe a badass to be, but I've also done a lot of my own research on my own life and on the lives of many other people who have achieved impossible goals and had incredible success.
And there are two identifiable identity characteristics that all of us have. And the first one is mental strength. It is strength of the mind. And there's not one exception to any of the people that I consider to be a badass who haven't worked on their mind to strengthen it, who haven't used their mind in a very conscious way to become mentally strong.
And so I'm going to talk a lot about that over these next three sessions. I'm going to talk about what mental strength is and what it requires and how to develop it. And I'm also going to talk about mental weakness and how that interferes with your ability to create badass results.
The second characteristic of all badasses is they have an incredible work ethic, and it's a work ethic that produces results. Now, I've been teaching about work ethic for a long time. I've been teaching about hard work and working hard and doing hard things. And what I notice with all of my students is that there's a misconception about having a work ethic in two ways, like two different extremes. The first one, and it's unfortunately very common, is that people don't understand how hard you have to actually work.
People don't understand what an actual work ethic is and what it requires. And they just don't work hard enough. They just don't show up, they don't produce, they aren't productive, they aren't focused, they aren't challenging themselves, they aren't utilizing their capacity. They simply are not working hard enough, and they think they are. And they think it should be easier. So that's one extreme of people that I see. And another extreme of people that I see are people who believe that a work ethic means working all the time, means being totally stressed out and overwhelmed, means putting in incredibly long hours, means hustling all the time.
And neither one of those are productive or useful, right? I am never and never will be someone who will tell you that if you want to be a badass, you have to work all day, every day. You have to stay up all night. You have to hustle. You have to abandon your regular life or work. That is not me. I do not believe that. I do not believe you have to work every weekend. I don't believe you have to work at night. I don't believe you have to wake up at the crack of dawn. I really don't.
But what I do believe a work ethic is, is you have developed the ability to produce results. And you've learned how to produce them significantly and quickly. So although you don't have to work all the time, when you do work, when you do put in the hours, you know how to work hard, you know how to stay focused, and you know how to produce results. And these are results that have an effect on the world, results that have effect on your life, and results that increasingly create what you want.
And if you don't have these two characteristics, you will not be the badass that you're capable of being, and you will not create the results that you are capable of creating.
So I was thinking about my own life, and I was thinking about my journey and how I stepped into the version of myself that I believe is my most badass version. The identity that I have of myself is, listen, I'm going to get this done. I'm going to produce this result. I'm going to make this happen. That's how badass people think, right? We think we can handle this. We're capable of this. We're tough, we're uncompromising, right? We know how to be mentally tough. We know how to overcome obstacles. We know how to create things.
And I was thinking about the people that I admire, and I've most recently been reading memoirs. I've been totally into cooking lately. So I've read Erin French's memoir of The Lost Kitchen and Ina Garten's memoir, Be Ready When the Luck Happens. And these are two women who I consider complete badasses. And I was thinking about, you know, running them through my filter of, are they mentally tough, and are they hard working? Do they have the work ethic that produces results? And the answer is, you know, of course, for both of them, yes, yes, and yes. Amazing on both counts.
And I was thinking about my journey and their journeys, the three of us, and I was thinking about what we have in common that might have helped us become mentally strong and might have helped us develop a really productive work ethic. And interestingly, I do think that one of the things that really can contribute to these characteristics is having a really challenging, traumatic childhood because when you are in survival mode, you are forced to be strong. You're forced to create the muscles. If you want to be able to be highly functioning and produce at the level, you're going to have to become mentally strong. You're going to have to be able to develop the skills to overcome challenges.
And I think in all of our cases, having those challenging childhoods actually helped us develop that muscle, right? The mental capacity to be strong is developed in managing your mind and producing mental thoughts that will help you overcome, that will help you work hard, that will help you produce. And so I think it's really interesting to think about our childhoods, especially those of us who've had a lot of pain and suffering in our childhood, to think about those as, no, that was the playground, right? That was the journey that produced the mental toughness that is required to be a badass.
Okay? Now, if you didn't have a terrible childhood, right? It doesn't mean you can't be a badass. Of course not. But it just means that you're going to have to work on the mental toughness. You may not have lifted as many weights. You may not have overcome as many challenges. In fact, there's something about being forced into a challenge, forced to overcome something that in some ways, I know this sounds so weird, but in some ways is easier than putting yourself in harm's way and asking yourself to overcome a challenge when it's not even required of you, right? You don't even have to do it. It's easier to just back away. And for some of us, we are forced into it. And I think in some ways that had a silver lining for some of us.
I was thinking the other day about Beyoncé because, I mean, talk about a badass. And I was thinking about how hard she works. And she's not forced to work hard. She doesn't even need to work, right? She has plenty of, you know, assets, plenty of wealth. She doesn't have to go to work to produce money. That's not why she's working. But she works tremendously hard and produces results at the highest of levels.
And I really do think that these two components, this strong work ethic and this mental strength, really do feed into each other because you need mental strength in order to get yourself to work hard, and you need to be able to work hard on your brain and on your mind to build up that mental strength. And so think in your own life, like, who are the people that you admire, that you think are uncompromising, that you think are tough, that you think are badasses?
And test my theory. Like, are they incredibly strong mentally, and are they incredibly hard-working people in a way that produces results? And my guess is you will find out that the answer is yes, that those are the two things that you must focus on and that you must work on in order to be the badass that you deserve to be.
Now, to tell you a little bit about my journey, when I first started becoming a badass in my business and I was really producing what I wanted to produce, one thing that I noticed is that there were people that were the opposite of me. They were the opposite of what I would believe someone who is a badass does. And they spent a lot of time trying to discredit me and to put me down and to complain about me and to even make up stuff about me, like when I first started.
And if you're not a badass, you won't be able to handle this. But what I noticed is that, first of all, that type of energy, those people coming after me in that kind of way, were actually the opposite of mentally strong because that kind of negativity is a mental weakness. And their attempt to discredit is weakness trying to weaken somebody else.
And so in the beginning, I was frustrated by this because there were a couple things that I kept hearing as I was becoming more successful. And the reason why in the beginning it really bothered me that people were saying stuff like this was because I was trying to be an example of what is possible. And people were discrediting my success and making it seem like I was some kind of unicorn and that nobody else was going to be able to achieve the level of success or the type of success that I was creating. And I knew that wasn't true. And so I did two things, two pretty badass things in my opinion, when I first started my business.
One of them was I had been teaching coaches at the school and training them to be coaches for a while and trying to help them make money, trying to help other coaches make money. And I kept getting this feedback, well, you can make money, Brooke, because you're offering a business opportunity. You're offering people a way to make money. So they're willing to pay you in order to be taught how to make money. And they were saying, you can't just make money being a life coach. You can't just be a typical life coach. And you have to remember when I first started 20 years ago in this life coaching industry, we didn't have a lot of respect as a profession, right? We have way more respect now. Now, some people would argue that point, but I've been, you know, in this industry long enough to know that when we first started, people thought that we were just having little hobby businesses and we were, it was just really cute. We were, there were like scrapbookers and then there were life coaches, and it was just adorable. And I got a lot of that impression.
And so when I started making money as a life coach, because people would say, I don't think you should call yourself a life coach. You should call yourself a consultant. I'm like, no, not only am I going to call myself a life coach, I'm going to call my business The Life Coach School. I'm going to embrace and change the perception of that word. And so as I started to really do that and as I started to really own that, a lot of people wanted me to train them to be life coaches, which I did. And then when I started getting this feedback that, oh, you're only able to do this because you're telling people that you can help them make money. And I knew that wasn't true. And I said, in defiance, I said, I'm going to prove them wrong. I'm going to be the example that you can make money as a life coach only coaching.
And that's when I started Self Coaching Scholars. And that program has made me tens of millions and millions and millions of dollars, okay? It's made me about, you know, over $10 million every year for like eight years, right? So it has done very, very well as an offering that simply offers life coaching and the courses that I've created to help people in their lives.
The second thing that I did to kind of counteract this weakening effort, this discrediting effort that I felt like it was coming at me and I wasn't used to that sort of thing yet. The second thing that I did is I invited a group of other women who were not yet making a million dollars, who had become life coaches, I invited them to my mastermind to help them make a million dollars, to prove to the world, to prove to my discrediters, the people that were doubting me, the people that were saying, "Oh, I was a unicorn. The only reason I'm a badass is because of all these different things that other people don't have, different backgrounds."
And one of the things I did with the mastermind is I invited a lot of different backgrounds, a lot of different skill sets, a lot of different levels of education, a lot of different levels of trauma, right? I wanted to show that different people from completely different walks of life, with completely different niches, completely different offerings could make a million dollars. And we did. Like we proved that with those offerings. We proved that other people could do it.
But what I learned is that the discrediting didn't go away. The complaining, the judgment didn't go away. And even with my own students whom I was trying to help make money, there was this mental weakness of attacking other people who were successful. And I just want to point out, and we'll talk way more about this in terms of the obstacles that will interfere, is that badass people overcome judgment. They overcome other people doubting them. They overcome the criticism and they overcome people trying to discredit them as human beings, them as entrepreneurs, them as women, whatever it is, whatever the attacks are. In order to be successful, you have to be willing to stand up for yourself, to prove people wrong, to keep going, no matter what people say to you. That truly is what it means, I think, to be a badass.
To prioritize your own mental toughness, your own mental strength, and to be willing to put the work in for yourself, for what you truly deserve to become in this world and to truly show yourself what you're made of, to put your head on the pillow at night and be proud of who you are and what you've created, I think is such an honor. I think it's so fun. I think it's the true opportunity.
So I'm going to ask you again: Do you want to be a badass? And do you believe that you are one? The audacity to believe that you're a badass is difficult for many people. And I'll talk to people all the time and I'll say, "Hey, do you believe that you can create this vision for yourself? Do you believe that you can create this result for yourself?" And they'll swear to me, "Yes, I believe that I can have a million dollars. I believe that I can create this nonprofit. I believe that I can find a person to have an amazing relationship. I believe it with all of my heart."
And then I'll say to them, "Do you believe you're a motherfucking badass?" And most people have a much more difficult time with that. But if you don't believe in yourself in that way, if you don't identify yourself as someone who is extraordinary, as someone who has the ability to rise above and to create something that is impressive, that is intimidating, that is incredibly successful, if you don't believe that you are that person, you will never create it. It's not just, could I do that? Could someone like me do that? It's like, no, is that who I am?
And if it is, I'm going to test you. Are you willing to announce it? Are you willing to tell other people that you are that? Like, I'm a badass. I get shit done. I create things. I build businesses. I have extraordinary results in my life, period. And let other people try and weaken you and let other people judge you and mock you and think that you're arrogant and think that you're, you know, worth complaining about and hating on.
My friend, Layla, just posted on Instagram, she said, "The price of success is hate." And I just thought that was so fascinating. Like, if you're badass, you can handle that. You can handle going into battle with enemies, with people that maybe hate you for really valid reasons in their own mind and people who hate you because of lies that have been told about you. It doesn't matter. You're still a badass. You're still showing up for your life. You're still being who you want to be in your life. And it doesn't matter if it's your family members, if it's your spouse, if it's random strangers on the internet, if it's disgruntled employees or upset customers, whatever it is, you can handle it when you have the mental toughness, which is the first part of it, to keep working, which is the second part of it.
You don't just believe in results being possible, you believe in you, in your identity as someone who can create impossible results, create an extraordinary life. And it's confronting to hear the reasons why you're not successful. And I think it's confronting because it's not that you're not successful because you don't have what it takes. It's that you're not successful because you're not utilizing what you have to make it happen. You do have what it takes. You're just not using it.
And I think that's much more confronting. I think it's much easier for someone to look at me and to say, "Well, Brooke can do this because of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah," whatever reason, right? Whatever BS reason. "Well, she can do that" or "she must be nice," all of the nonsense, right? That's so much easier than thinking, really thinking, "No, I know in my heart I have what it takes, and I'm just not doing it." Now listen, that's okay. Not everybody wants to be a badass. Not everyone wants to create extraordinary results. There's nothing wrong with that.
But I'm talking to those of you who come to me and want that and make excuses for not getting it. And you want me to confront you. So many of you are like, I need you to come after me and my bullshit. Please don't let me get away with it. Please don't let me make excuses. Please don't let me point fingers. Because the only person that ends up hurting is you, your own mental weakness, which we all have, right? We all have mental weakness. The question is, are you going to decide to indulge in that or you going to decide to be strong?
Are you going to decide to use your mentality to create what you genuinely want to create? Are you going to use your mentality to consistently commit to believing in yourself and your capacity? That's what it requires. If you want to be a badass, you have to believe you are one with no doubts in your mind. And you have to embrace that. And you can't let anyone tell you that you're not.
And there will be people, this happened to so many of my students, right? Once they got to the point where they believed they were a badass, and they believed that they could create badass results, then they started getting criticized for being a badass. Like, "How dare you? You think you're so great," right? And then they had to deal with that. But once you've built up that mental capacity, once you've built up that mental strength, then you get stronger and stronger and stronger with the noise around you. You get stronger and stronger and stronger with the excuses in your own brain.
You will have to deal, if you're anything like me, you will have to deal with constant thoughts of self-hate, of self-doubt, of insecurity. It's relentless. And the only way you're going to get through it is if you're mentally strong because you will have weakness, but if you also have strength, you will overcome that weakness. And you will do it with an underlying commitment to believing in yourself and loving yourself and not at your own expense, but at your own benefit and for the benefit of everyone you're creating value for and for the example that you're creating in the world. That's why we do this.
When people say to me, "God, you're such a badass," I'm like, in my mind, I'm like, "Yeah, you are too," right? I think there's even a book written on this. Right? You Are a Badass, I think it was the name of it. I think Jen Sincero, I think she wrote like a whole series of books on this. And it's so true. And I think what she means by that is like, you have that capacity inside of you already. You already have it. You're just not utilizing it. And that's okay, but just tell yourself the truth about it. Don't blame other people for it. Don't complain at the world about it. Don't let other people's weakness affect you.
So in the next episode, next week, I'm going to talk about the obstacles that you're going to face in trying to become a badass at the level that you want to. And I'm going to teach you how to overcome those obstacles, how to be aware of them, and how to manage them. And then in Part 3, I'm going to give you some tools for being a badass, some practices that you can implement into your life over and over and over again because if you're anything like my students, if you're anything like me, you're going to need to keep refreshing yourself, right?
There's going to be times where you're going to feel tired, you're going to feel beat down, you're going to feel empty, right? And you need to literally remind yourself what a badass you are. I just had a conversation with a friend, and she was saying to me like, "I can't do this." I'm like, "Girl, if anyone can do this, it's you." She's like, "I just don't think I can get through it." I'm like, "You absolutely can get through it. Did you forget that you're a badass? Did you forget who you are?"
She's like, "Yeah, we need to be reminded." We need to be reminded by the people around us. We need to make sure we have the support that we need, but we also need to be reminded by ourselves. And so these tools will really help you not just become at the top of your game in terms of your work ethic and your mental toughness and your mental strength, but also, it will help you as you grow and the challenges get bigger, it will help you continue to grow. The growth mindset in terms of badassery is required because the bigger you get, the bigger the challenges get.
It's one thing to fail when you're all alone trying things out. It's another thing to fail when a bunch of people are watching you. It's another thing to fail when you have a lot of attention, when people are waiting for you to fail. You know, I have clients that have quit one job to start another job, and all their advice was, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it. And it's almost like this sense is everybody has their arms crossed and they're waiting for you to fail. Do you know how much mental toughness it takes to have people almost wanting you to fail? Like family members sitting on the sidelines, you're doing this new endeavor and they're like, "Mhm. Oh, you're going to be a life coach" or "oh, you're going to be a doctor" or "oh, you're going to," whatever it is that you've decided to do and they don't believe in you. They don't believe it's possible. They don't believe that life could be that way for anyone, let alone you.
The amount of mental strength that it takes to keep going and produce a belief in yourself and to identify yourself as a badass motherfucker who can get through anything, it takes so much strength, but that's what's great about it, right? Because all of those obstacles are what make you stronger. And so I'm going to give you some tools that you can rely on and go back over and over and over again as needed in order to keep growing, in order to keep going because I don't want to be having another conversation at a lunch with an acquaintance or at a friend of a friend or someone that I meet, and I don't want them to come up to me and be like, "I just don't understand, you know, why I'm not successful." Or people are like, "I'm going to try this thing." And in my mind, I know they're not badass yet.
They're not identifying. They're not mentally strong enough. They don't have the work ethic yet. So they're never going to be able to create that result. I want to help them get there. I don't want to see them say, "Oh, I failed because of all these external reasons." I want to be honest with them and be that the only reason you failed is because you're not stepping up into your own badass identity. That's the only reason. Do not let anything out there in that world become the excuse why you don't become who you are, why you don't show us all your capacity.
That's what we're about to do. We're about to get after it, y'all. And if you're someone who is like ready, you're like, let's go, let's do this. I want to take my life to the next level. I want to take my BS brain that's giving me so many excuses, and I want to eradicate everything from it so I can see what I'm capable of. Let's go.
That's what I'm about. That's what I'm trying to do. I want to show you that my success isn't because I'm a unicorn. I'm a human being that has a lot of negative thoughts and a lot of self-doubt and a lot of negative trauma that I'm still trying to overcome in order to light my own world on fire. And you can, I promise you, do this too in your own way, in your own life. I want to help you.
Alright, my beautiful friends, have a wonderful week. I will be in your inbox next week with another episode called Be a Badass: Obstacles. See you then. Bye.
