You are listening to The Life Coach School Podcast with Brooke Castillo, episode number 67.
Welcome to The Life Coach School Podcast, where it's all about real clients, real problems, and real coaching. And now, your host, Master Coach Instructor, Brooke Castillo.
What is going on, everyone? Holy cow, I've had the craziest day so far. I came into the office and my server, because I have my own servers for my website, was blocking me from accessing it.
So I was unable to do the webinar for my office. So I did jump in my car, drive home, run the webinar. I do a webinar for my certified coaches once a month, run the webinar, and then run back here, get on the phone with my server guy, and figure out what was going on with my server.
So, you know, a couple hours of stuff that gets nothing accomplished, is kind of how I felt about it. I was working with computers and servers, and the server didn't like that I had put in the wrong password, and so it had blocked my IP, and that's why I wasn't able to do it. So anyway, just solved that.
That's exciting. And I am back here to do some podcasting for you all. So the first thing I want to offer is, we have another training coming up here in September.
So I know that some of you guys have been thinking about it, you've been on the fence about it, and I just want to say, I was talking to Erina, one of the women that was in our recent training, and she was hysterical. She said that she was thinking about coming, the podcast has really had an impact on her, but she kept saying no, no, no, and she didn't want to spend the money, and she thought it was expensive for what she was willing to pay for the training. But then she just kept listening and decided to come, and she was so absolutely thrilled that she did.
So if you are like Erina, and you're wondering and thinking and hoping and wishing that you could come, one of the things I told everyone in the class is that, hey, just so you know, you're living someone else's dream right now. I have so many people emailing me wanting to come to the training, and here you are living it. And it kind of made them all like stop and think for a minute, because I know there's so many of you out there that really want to come, and really want to learn.
And so if that is you, and if you're on the fence, I want to encourage you to check out our next training. Here's what I want you to remember. The price goes up every time, so this time, this will be the last time we offer it at this price.
And I also want to offer that we are going to do the six months of business support, and building is included at this lower price. So it's a screaming deal. Let me explain to you what you get.
You get eight days. If you get the double certification, you get eight days with me. And I just want to tell you that those eight days are amazing.
And then you get the 90-day certification practicum, and then you get six months of someone building a business with you. Look around, see if there's anyone offering something this badass. They're not.
First of all, our training is better than anyone else is in the world. Just ask me. And you get that 90-day practicum follow up, and the six months of business building.
Amazing, amazing, amazing. So if you're interested, go to the lifecoachschool.com, check out our training page, get on the phone with Jodi, and let's get you hooked up. We already have a bunch of people signed up.
If you're already signed up, I'm so excited. I know a lot of you guys had wanted to come in June, but this didn't work out with the summer. So you're going to come in September.
And I love the fall. I love getting back to work after the summer's over. And so if you're with me on that, let's do it.
I don't think it's anything you could ever regret doing. Amazing way to start. We start the year, the school year, in September.
Christian, my oldest, will be going into high school. So let's do it. If you have any questions, you can email Jodi at the lifecoachschool.com, and she will answer any questions that you have.
We had Dawn come. She came from all the way across the pond from England, and absolutely love and adore her, and was absolutely so thrilled that she came. And I think she was too.
And so for those of you who say, oh my gosh, I live so far away. There you go. Hop on an airplane and come on, let's do this.
I'm thinking about Rabina, who is there. One of the things that I had talked about at the training was, it's really important to tell at least one person your secret. Someone that you know will hold the space for you and someone that loves you.
And if you have a secret that you are holding inside, that's keeping you in a shame-based place, you want to make sure that you're willing to share that secret. And that was something that she had done there. And believe me, we all have them, sister.
Don't even think. One of my most, I think, comforting thoughts is that we all have shame, no matter how amazing, talented, pretty, gorgeous, rich we are. We all have shame.
And so if you have something that's a secret that you're holding in, telling it to one person. And of course, she was able to do that at the training, and it was a really powerful experience for her. And of course, she did it with one of the best coaches I know, Suyin Nichols, master certified coach was there, and really powerful experience.
And I thought about Urbina so much because she was one of the people in the class that didn't volunteer all the time or raise her hand. But I kept saying in my head, I see you, I see you there. You can come and show up however you want.
And you do participate with everybody in the class, but you don't necessarily have to raise your hand all the time. It's all good. I still see you.
I still got my eye on you. And then I'm thinking about Monique, who did participate quite a bit and shared some stories with us. She had this inclination that someone in her life could take her sunshine away.
So many of us believe that. And we kind of had a good laugh about that. That the good news is, is no one can take your sunshine away.
Nobody can, it's yours, and you get to keep it. And nobody can do anything to you that changes how you feel without your permission. That's a beautiful, wonderful thing to know.
And then, of course, there was Susie there, who I think about the most since we left, because she was worried about going home and losing all the magic that we have there. And that's a common concern that people have. We spend these days together, and you kind of get to evolve into the version of yourself that is really processed with the thought work.
And we work together on really focusing on our goals and our dreams. And you get to a really good feeling place. And a lot of people are concerned about going home and being able to maintain that.
And so Susie was one of those people, and I hope that she's gone home and kicked ass. That's what I hope. And if she hasn't, we have a big group of people that are all cheering for her.
And hopefully, she's getting lots of love from all of us. So I miss you guys. And what was cool is Julie from the March group came to the June group.
So she got to meet everybody on both groups to get her weight coach certification. So if you're listening to this, Julie, it's time to get certified. Let's make it happen.
And then the one last person I want to mention, I had such an amazing experience with her, Erin. And she owns her own yoga studio in Florida. And she flew such a long way to come and learn all of these tools to take back to her crew and her people and all the lives she's going to touch.
And we had a, I took her to my yoga studio. We had talked on the phone and she had said that she didn't really like hot yoga. So I took her to one of my hot yoga classes and we had such an amazing time, Ashley and Erin and I doing yoga together.
I think that there's something very bonding about doing a practice together. So I absolutely loved doing that. And I told her that I'm going to have to come to Florida and do a little bit more yoga.
And hopefully she'll come to San Diego for the mastermind coming up and we will do some yoga there. So, okay, I gave a shout out to every single person that was in that class over the past episodes and some of you more than once. And if I didn't mention you, it's because you didn't listen to that podcast.
So you go back and listen to it. I've been thinking about all of you. I love you guys so much and I miss you already.
It's only been a couple of days since you've been here, but it's amazing how I have my own abandonment issues when you guys all leave. So anyway, let's get to the session. I usually don't take a lot of time before I start, but today it was an exception.
And hey, it's my podcast. I shall do what I want. All right, we are going to talk about dealing with regret.
And I want to talk about this because a lot of people are dealing with regret. A lot of people are coming to me and they have so many regrets. And I want to teach you how to deal with it.
And I want to teach you how to, I should say more accurately, not deal with it. The question is, is there an upside to regret? Is it a useful emotion?
You guys know if you've been listening to the podcast that I like to think about, emotions as either being indulgent and not useful or as useful. And many of our useful emotions don't feel awesome. They don't feel great, but they help us get what we want in our lives.
And so I wondered about regret when I started looking at that emotion. Is it a valued negative emotion? And is it one that's useful?
And I came up with, I think, yes and no. I think our regret, if we can use it, if we look at something we wish we wouldn't have done, or something that we didn't do that we wish we would have done, or something that we wish we would have gotten started on earlier, and we use that emotion to change our life now, then yes, I think it's useful. But the problem is most of us spend way too much time blaming, using regret to blame ourselves for something that happened in the past.
One of the modules that I teach at The Life Coach School is the difference between past focus and future focus. And when you are focused on your past, when you are constantly thinking about your past and arguing with it, that is regret, wishing you would have done something differently. Believing if something would have been different than you would be different, I think, is a complete waste of time.
I think regret is only useful for a temporary flash of a moment where you see, hey, I could have done that in a different way, and I'm going to do that now, right? That's when it's useful. Otherwise, I don't think it has an upside.
I read this quote when I was researching this topic, and it said, a man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams. What? Isn't that true?
We start looking backwards and we start regretting instead of looking forward and creating. So if you look back and you regret something, and you're going to use that regret to make your future better, do it. If you're going to look back and regret something and pine over it and wish it were different, you're not going to be serving yourself.
One of the most powerful thoughts I use in my life all of the time is, what's meant to happen does. What was meant to happen did. It was always meant to happen that way.
And when I can look back and see that the choices that I made, I was supposed to make, it makes me feel more free. And I don't need to feel regret in order to make a different choice now. So I started to think, would I ever use regret?
And here's how I want to recommend that you use that emotion. You can use it to say, I'm going to do this, so I don't regret not doing it. Here's what I mean by that.
I want you to imagine yourself 10 years from now. So if you are, I think I'm 43. If you're 43, I would be 53.
So when I'm 53, what might I look back on with regret if I don't do it now? I think that's a useful way of using that emotion. And here's what I came up with.
I think I would regret spending more time at work than I do with my kids. I think I would regret not taking care of my body. I would regret not going to yoga.
I would regret not putting a lot of time in with my husband. I might regret not saving money. I might regret not working on my business and building it and touching more lives.
I might regret not spending more time with my friends. So I think that's a useful exercise is to go into my future and prevent the regret. Think about what can I do now so I won't regret later.
Now, I probably won't regret anyway, because I don't see that as a very useful emotion after the fact. But I do think it's a way that you can utilize that emotion in your future. Now, if you are in a lot of regret right now, if you are looking at your life and you are punishing yourself with regret because you wish you would have lived your life different, shown up different, been different, I want you to ask yourself this, is there an upside to doing that?
Have you found a purpose to doing that? Is it serving you in any way? And if it isn't, how could you think about your past in a way that would serve you?
How could you think about your past in a way where you don't blame yourself, but you use your past as a way to create a better future for yourself? And then fast forward into your future and prevent the regret you might feel in the future. Do not let your regrets take the place of your dreams.
Regret doesn't have to be present for you to desire change, for you to want to get better. You don't have to beat yourself up about your past in order to create a better future. You can look back, you don't have to blame, but then you can use it as a way of taking risks and showing up in your life now.
I think that's the only thing I might regret. Kind of I wonder out like on my deathbed, not showing up, not taking the risk, not being willing to be afraid, not being willing to make a mistake or to fail. I know for sure I'll never regret the chances I took.
I'll only regret not believing in myself and not showing up for myself. And so that's how I'm going to use that emotion for me. I'm going to bet on myself for myself in the future, because I'll look back with a little bit of a wink to myself and go, yeah, nice, good stuff.
So glad you did it. And I hope that you'll do the same for yourself. So deal with your regret in a way that serves you, and if it's not serving you, let it go.
And I'll talk to you about the opposite of regret in the next episode. Talk to you next week. Bye bye.
Thank you for listening to The Life Coach School Podcast. It would be incredibly awesome if you would take a moment to write a quick review on iTunes. For any questions, comments, or coaching issues you would like to hear on the show, please visit us at www.thelifecoachschool.com.
