Women and Money

If you want to make more money, what are you afraid it will mean about you?

That you’re greedy? That you won’t have time for your family? That other women will stop liking you? That you’ll become someone you don’t want to be?

I hear these thoughts from women who want to create successful businesses. They care deeply about their clients and families. Yet the idea of making a lot of money seems to threaten the very things they care about.

We need to look at those beliefs. Thoughts create feelings, which drive actions and results. A belief that money will make you a bad person can have you turning away the opportunities you say you want.

Three conversations that made me curious

In Episode 324, I shared three conversations that had me thinking about women and money.

The first was with my friend Alex, who owned a successful business with his wife. He described men in business competing to make each other better, while he saw women criticizing and tearing each other down.

That was his perception and a generalization. It wasn’t a statement about every man or woman. But it made me curious about something I had seen, too: women doing meaningful work for other women and being publicly attacked for it.

I had received emails from women who loved the Model and said it changed their lives, but wanted me to stop talking about money. Others wanted me to stop telling women they could make a million dollars. They considered that possibility unrealistic or disappointing.

I thought about a new coach receiving those messages while trying to create value and support her family. What would she make them mean?

The second conversation was with a client who told me she had needed new friends at every stage of success. She felt she had to dilute herself and avoid sharing what was true about her business. When people learned how much she earned, relationships sometimes changed.

This was painful for her. I wanted to understand why a woman’s success might be met with resentment rather than celebration.

The third conversation was with a client afraid that money would turn her into a greedy business owner who hurt people. She had people wanting to pay her for coaching, and she wasn’t taking their money.

Her desire to be a good person, combined with her belief that money could make her bad, was affecting her actions.

What have you learned money means?

I shared common money thoughts from women I coached with successful male entrepreneurs I knew. These included fears of losing friends, intimidating a partner, neglecting family, or being seen as selfish.

The men described almost opposite beliefs in their circles. They had been taught that making money would help them provide, gain respect, care for family, and create freedom.

Again, this wasn’t every man or every woman. It was a conversation that showed how different beliefs can create different feelings, actions, and results.

One person thinks more money means less availability for family. Another thinks more money means more ability to care for family. Those are very different starting points.

Look at your own brain. What were you taught? What do you assume will happen if you earn more? Which assumptions have you accepted without examining them?

If you believe money belongs to other people—people who are greedy or uncaring—you may overlook examples that could expand your sense of possibility.

Money comes from creating value

I believe we create money by creating value for people. When what you offer improves someone’s life and they value it, they are willing to pay for it.

I want the value of what I offer to be greater than its cost. I put work into overdelivering so that the exchange benefits the person paying me.

Making money through that exchange doesn’t require giving up caring about people. Caring about the people you serve can be central to the value you create.

Money isn’t good or bad. It gives you more ability to express who you are and what matters to you. If you want to be kind, caring, and loving, money can help you reach and help more people.

It can help you care for your family, employ people, contribute to causes, and provide for future generations.

Ask yourself what you would do with money rather than assuming someone else’s choices determine what money would mean in your hands.

Let other women’s success expand yours

We need more examples of successful women, including Black women and women of color, sharing what they have created. If success stays hidden, we miss opportunities to see what is possible.

Notice whether you immediately explain a successful woman away. Maybe she started early. Maybe she’s attractive, outgoing, or unusually smart. You make her an exception instead of an example.

When I look at successful women, I want to see possibility for us. Celebrating their success generates excitement and power within me.

Pay attention to how you spend your mental energy. Are you using it to criticize someone who is creating something, or to create the result you want?

I support women who support women. That includes women in the arena making mistakes while doing their work.

I also listen to constructive criticism from people who care and can offer insight. That is different from spending my life ruminating on gossip or attacks. My work is too important to give in to fear.

Teach yourself a bigger possibility

The episode also included a section from my book What’s Possible. One of its central ideas is that we have to teach ourselves what is possible.

Much of our education starts with what has already happened. A career conversation often begins with existing jobs, existing salaries, and what you have already done.

What if you began with the amount you wanted to earn? Then asked what value you could create to earn it?

That question changes the way you think. You stop waiting for someone else to tell you what your work is worth and start considering what you could create.

My student Corinne wasn’t taught to dream big. She was taught to find a path that would let her pay her bills without worrying. Learning to consider a much bigger life changed what she pursued.

Imagine telling young girls that they can create businesses, earn money, be mothers or not, and learn through action and failure. Imagine giving them bigger possibilities to consider.

The women who came before us fought for opportunities we have now. I want to honor that work by using those opportunities, rather than letting fear decide how small my life should be.

If you want to make more money, admit that desire to yourself. Look at the thoughts, feelings, and actions you’re using to pursue it.

You get to decide what you want to create. You can be a good, moral, loving woman and have a lot of money. Let yourself consider what becomes possible when you believe that.