Types of Regret

Not making a decision does not protect you from regret.

You can regret something you did. You can also regret something you never tried.

When we weigh an opportunity, it is easy to focus on the risk of acting. What if it goes badly? What if we lose money? What if it was the wrong choice?

We often do not give the same attention to the missed opportunity. What might we regret about not doing it?

Notice when regret stops your momentum

I coached a student who had made financial investments that did not turn out as she hoped. She was thinking about the money she lost and how the decisions affected her family.

Her thinking had her frozen in fear. She was afraid to make more decisions or manage her money in ways that could help her.

I have made some very poor financial choices, too. I still invest and make decisions. The difference is how I use those experiences.

If I turn a disappointing result into evidence that I am stupid or cannot trust myself, I become less willing to act. If I learn from it, I have more understanding for the next decision.

Keep your past decisions from becoming weapons

Early in my study of coaching, I learned a way of thinking about decisions that set me free: life can be a series of lessons and adventures, with wrong and right turns along the way.

I can look back and see that something was not the best choice without beating myself up for what I can no longer control.

That does not mean I ignore the result. It means I examine it without blame, complaints, or cruelty toward myself.

There is useful information in realizing that something did not work. Self-attack makes that information harder to use.

Learn from what you assumed

When I moved into the condo I had purchased in Miami, several parts of the experience surprised me.

I was expected to close while construction was still unfinished and wait before moving in. I also discovered that lighting I thought would be included was part of a separate package.

I went back to the contract and saw terms I had not read thoroughly. I had assumed the purchase would work like other homes I had bought.

I felt frustrated and asked myself what I had been thinking. But I could also see what the experience was teaching me about my own tendencies.

I had been excited by the beautiful property and the idea of arriving with everything ready. I needed to be more thoughtful about the details and the position I was putting myself in.

The purchase had also appreciated financially while the building was delayed. I could recognize that benefit and still learn from the problems. I did not have to turn the entire decision into regret.

Take responsibility for getting value

I once joined a very expensive mastermind that was not what I expected.

I could have complained or been angry with myself. Instead, I decided to learn as much as I could and make the investment useful.

That is an approach I often take when purchasing a class: I want to apply, learn, and use enough of it to get value.

If I had never joined, I would not have known what the experience was. Trying it gave me information about what I wanted and did not want.

It became a powerful experience because of the responsibility I took for what I could get from it.

Tell the truth about your own commitment

I have not always followed through that way.

I signed up for a $25,000 YouTube course and did not attend even one class. The organization provided what it promised. I did not do the work.

I had hoped paying for it would force me to want to build my YouTube channel. When the course started, I still did not want to.

I did not ask them to refund a service they had delivered because I had not shown up. I learned about the carelessness of my own decision.

Usually, I make thoughtful decisions and honor them even when I do not feel like doing the work later. In this case, I did not respect the decision I had made. I had tried to force my future self into something I did not genuinely want.

That taught me to be more honest before I commit.

Separate fit from application

When a class or approach does not produce your desired result, ask what actually happened.

Was it not a good fit? Or did you not apply what was being taught?

Those are different lessons.

I have coached people who buy course after course and then use each disappointment as evidence that nothing will work. They become afraid to invest again.

My own path to freedom around food included many attempts. I do not consider all of them wasted because they taught me what did and did not work for me.

An unsuccessful attempt does not have to mean the next one will be unsuccessful. Not showing up once does not mean you can never show up.

Consider both kinds of regret before you decide

When weighing a choice, I ask which option I would choose if both turned out well.

I also give attention to the possibility of failure. If it does not work, what could I learn? What am I truly committed to doing if I sign up?

I want an honest answer. I do not want to purchase something to force myself into a desire I do not have.

There is no choice that guarantees your brain will never generate regret. Doing and not doing both carry that possibility.

Make the decision as thoughtfully as you can. Afterward, appreciate where you were when you made it. Take the knowledge you can use, support yourself, and move forward.

Your decisions can teach you. They do not need to become reasons to stop deciding.