Two Types of Discomfort

Learn the difference between discomfort that moves you forward and discomfort that keeps you spinning.

Discomfort is the currency of your dreams. But that does not mean every uncomfortable experience is helping you grow.

You can be uncomfortable because you are trying something new. You can also be uncomfortable because you are sitting still and insulting yourself.

Those are two different experiences with two different effects.

When I talk about being willing to feel discomfort, I mean managing your mind and moving toward a goal. I do not mean calling a pity party growth and hoping it will eventually produce your dream.

The discomfort of becoming someone new

When you grow beyond your comfort zone, you leave familiar thoughts, feelings, and surroundings.

Your brain likes sameness. It wants to stay in the cave where it knows what to expect. A bigger goal asks it to venture into unfamiliar territory.

You may feel doubt, fear, trepidation, frustration, or confusion. You may experience failure as you learn.

That discomfort needs to be understood, expected, and managed. It is part of becoming the next version of yourself.

But it is not the same as the pain of believing you are inadequate. Growth discomfort can strengthen you and teach you. Self-criticism can hold you back and keep you in the same place.

Ask why you are uncomfortable

Start with this question: Why am I experiencing discomfort?

The answer leads you to a thought, because your thoughts create your feelings.

If you are thinking you are not good enough, that this will never work, or that you will never be able to do it, look at the effect of those thoughts. They can keep you spinning instead of moving.

That is a time to manage your mind. Sit down and consider what you want to believe and what you want to do.

If you are uncomfortable because you are trying something new, putting yourself in an unfamiliar situation, or moving toward a goal you have not achieved before, that is a different place to work from.

You are taking action and expanding your capacity.

The distinction is not whether the feeling is pleasant. Both can be unpleasant. Look at the thinking and the direction it takes you.

A webinar can produce either kind

Imagine you are building a coaching business. You prepare a webinar, deliver your best work, and no one signs up for your program.

You have done something new. You have created an experience that was not there before. You have moved forward, even though you did not get the result you hoped for.

Now what do you make it mean?

You could decide that you are terrible, that no one will ever want what you offer, and that the business will never work. That thinking creates discomfort that moves you backward.

Or you could decide to do another webinar next week and see what you can learn. Maybe this time you will get one person to come or one person to buy.

You probably will not feel excited about repeating something that did not work. But the discomfort of trying again can serve you.

You are continuing with encouragement and forward momentum instead of turning the result into an attack on yourself.

Measure movement, not how hard you feel you are working

I ask my business students to look at what they produce in the hours they say they work.

There can be a mismatch between time spent and results created. Stressing, rushing, and talking about work are not the same as working effectively.

When I teach a strong work ethic, I do not mean staying up all night, working yourself to the bone, or snapping at anyone who interrupts you.

I mean disciplined, productive work supported by an organized mind.

Earlier in my business, I worked more hours because I was less disciplined and more scattered. Learning to manage my mind and time let me produce more in less time.

Look back at the last two or four weeks. Have you tried, created, and learned? Or are you repeating the same thought downloads while producing the same results?

Feeling miserable does not prove you are doing the work. Movement and learning tell you more.

Choose loving discipline

Another question I use is whether the discomfort comes from loving discipline.

Is this something I am doing for me?

Following your calendar when you would rather avoid the task can be loving discipline. So can preparing, studying, going to the gym, paying a bill, attending an appointment, or telling the truth.

Making an offer can be uncomfortable. But you can do it to serve your clients and your business.

Saying no can be uncomfortable. Setting an honest boundary can be one of the strongest acts of caring for yourself.

These choices may not give you immediate pleasure. They can give you a result you want over the long term.

Compare that with doing something because you believe you deserve punishment or must earn the right to be acceptable.

Wanting to learn and evolve is different from believing you are not good enough. The action may look similar from the outside, but the thinking changes your experience and the result.

Do not swing from self-criticism to false comfort

I experienced this in my relationship with food.

I used to restrict while berating myself. I was creating discomfort through thoughts about being too fat or too unacceptable to eat. That thinking did not produce the result I wanted.

Later, I could make a choice about food from a different place. There might still be discomfort, but I was doing it for myself rather than against myself.

The alternative to self-criticism was not simply to pursue comfort at every moment.

When we swing from hating ourselves to using food for constant pleasure, we can create another kind of discomfort. We have not found the loving discipline in between.

For me, being comfortable in my own skin is different from the immediate comfort of a cupcake. The internal experience matters more.

Make peace with the discomfort that serves you

Self-care does not always feel comfortable. Some of the best care I have given myself has required discipline, truth, and boundaries.

That is why I do not want you to reject every uncomfortable experience just because some discomfort has come from self-criticism.

Learn to distinguish them.

You can make peace with the negative half of life and with the discomfort of growth. As you stop fighting it, it can become less uncomfortable.

I did not understand that at first either. But practicing acceptance, loving myself, and knowing I could feel an emotion changed the experience.

Keep the discomfort that supports action, learning, and your long-term life. Stop using insults as fuel.

You can move toward your dream with loving discipline instead of trying to beat yourself there.