Self-Confidence

Trust your ability to learn, act, and stay on your own side when a new challenge feels uncomfortable.

You can be confident in a skill you've practiced and still feel uncertain about something new.

You know how to do the familiar task. You don't yet know how you'll perform in the unfamiliar one.

Self-confidence gives you another place to begin. You can trust your willingness to learn and your ability to work with the emotions that appear as you try.

Distinguish skill confidence from self-confidence

Confidence in a particular skill often develops through repetition. You have practiced enough to know how to respond to many situations within it.

Self-confidence can support you before that experience exists. You don't need to have already completed the new challenge to believe you can engage with it.

You can know that you will practice, learn, and stay with yourself when an attempt doesn't go well.

That belief makes it easier to begin developing the capability you don't yet have.

Use a growth mindset

If you see ability as fixed, a mistake can feel like proof of a permanent limitation.

If you see ability as something you can develop, a mistake becomes information. You can ask what to practice or change.

Imagine trying a presentation and losing your place. A fixed interpretation may be that you aren't a speaker. A growth interpretation may be that you need more rehearsal and a clearer outline.

The same event can lead to giving up or to learning. Notice which interpretation you tend to practice.

Build capacity to experience emotion

Often, what keeps you from acting is the feeling you imagine having if the attempt doesn't work.

You may fear embarrassment, disappointment, or rejection. Then you avoid the action so you won't have to feel those things.

Ask whether you could learn to stay present with that emotional experience. You don't have to like it. You can acknowledge it and decide how to care for yourself through it.

Self-confidence can include the belief that you will have your own back when something is uncomfortable, rather than attack yourself for having tried.

Notice the thoughts that support action

The Self-Coaching Model connects thoughts to feelings, feelings to actions, and actions to results.

“If this goes badly, it will prove I'm incapable” can create fear and avoidance. “I can learn from this attempt” can create willingness and action.

Choose a thought you believe that supports the next step. You might trust your willingness to practice or your ability to respond to feedback.

Then act from it. Confidence becomes useful when it helps you participate, rather than remain an idea you wish you had.

Treat yourself with respect

Listen to how you speak about yourself. Are you constantly giving people a negative explanation of who you are?

You don't control other people's opinions, but you can choose the way you relate to yourself. Respectful self-talk can help you show up with more ease.

This doesn't require comparing yourself favorably to everyone else. You can like yourself and also recognize the equal worth of other people.

Self-confidence doesn't need someone else to be inferior. You can appreciate your own capacity while appreciating theirs.

Learn through attempts rather than avoiding them

When you take action, you may get the result you want or a result you don't want. Either way, you can learn what happened.

If you don't act at all, you have less information. You may keep repeating a prediction without ever testing it.

Choose a reasonable challenge that matters to you. Identify the feeling you're afraid of, a supportive thought, and one action.

Afterward, ask what you learned and what you want to try next. Recognize your willingness to engage, even while the skill is developing.

You don't have to base your entire future on what you've already done. You can practice trusting yourself with the work of becoming capable of something new.