The Self Coaching Model - A Review

Separate facts from thoughts, then trace the feeling, action, and result.

A situation happens. You have thoughts about it. You feel something and respond.

The Self Coaching Model helps you slow down that sequence enough to see what is going on.

Its five parts are circumstance, thought, feeling, action, and result. The central teaching is that thoughts create feelings, which drive actions and results. Writing a Model makes that connection visible.

Circumstance: describe the facts

Start with what happened in observable terms.

“There are flowers in a vase on the table” is a factual description. “There are beautiful flowers on the table” adds an opinion.

In the Model, the circumstance line holds the facts without your judgment about them. This is what we mean by neutral: the line does not contain the emotional meaning you give the situation.

For a conversation, you might use the person’s exact words. For a task, you might use the deadline and what has been completed.

Keep adjectives and conclusions out of this line so you can identify them clearly in the next one.

Thought: write one sentence in your mind

A thought is your interpretation of the circumstance.

“They do not respect me.” “I am not capable.” “This is a useful opportunity.”

Even a familiar thought that seems obvious belongs in this line when it is an opinion or judgment.

Choose one thought for one Model. If you combine several, it becomes harder to see which feeling and action each produces.

You do not have to change the thought immediately. First understand its effect.

Feeling: name the emotion

Use a one-word description, such as frustrated, anxious, curious, or determined.

Ask what you feel when you believe the thought you wrote—not what you think you should feel.

In this tool, we distinguish an emotion connected to thinking from a physical sensation such as thirst or being cold.

Also distinguish a feeling from a thought. “I feel like I am failing” contains a thought. What is the emotion beneath it: discouragement, shame, or fear?

Action: include what you do and do not do

What happens when you feel that emotion?

You might speak sharply, avoid the task, ask a question, make a plan, or keep working. Inaction belongs here too.

Be specific about the behavior. If the feeling is anxiety, “I am anxious” does not tell you the action. “I postpone sending the application and repeatedly reread it” does.

Result: identify what follows from your behavior

Look at the consequence of the actions you listed.

If you postpone the application, a result may be that you have not submitted it. Keep the result connected to what you actually did.

Notice whether it reinforces the original thought. Thinking “I cannot move forward” may lead you to avoid the very step that would move you forward.

The Model helps you examine that pattern without turning it into a reason to blame yourself.

You can enter the Model anywhere

If you know the action but not the thought, work backward. What feeling drove it? What thought created that feeling?

If you notice a feeling first, ask what sentence is connected to it. Then look at how you respond.

If you begin with a result, identify the behaviors that contributed to it.

You are looking for the connection, not filling boxes with answers that merely sound good.

Test a new direction

After understanding the current Model, choose a thought you genuinely believe that supports the action you want.

With an application, “I can submit my work and learn from the response” might create willingness. That feeling may support submitting rather than continually postponing.

Check the actual feeling. A pretty sentence you do not believe is not a useful replacement.

Practice with one ordinary situation today. Write all five lines, read them together, and see whether the sequence makes sense. Awareness is the starting point for a more deliberate response.