Overcoming Fear

You can feel afraid and still move toward the life you want.

By Brooke Hicks · The Life Coach School

How often do you explain why you haven’t done something by saying you’re afraid?

Afraid of failing. Afraid of being judged. Afraid of saying the wrong thing. We say it as though fear has made the decision for us.

I want you to consider another possibility. You can be afraid and still take action. You can learn to feel fear without letting it run your life.

Distinguish danger from emotional discomfort

Fear serves a purpose. It helps us protect ourselves in genuinely dangerous situations. That is different from sitting in your kitchen imagining what someone might think about your business.

This distinction matters. I’m talking about the fear that keeps you from introducing yourself, sharing your work, or trying something you want to do. The feared outcome is often an emotion: embarrassment, disappointment, rejection, or humiliation.

Ask yourself what you believe will happen. Then ask what you would make that outcome mean. You may discover that you’re avoiding a feeling you anticipate creating with your own interpretation.

Find the thought creating the fear

In the coaching work I teach, thoughts create feelings, feelings drive actions, and actions create results. When fearful thinking leads you to hide, hiding becomes part of the result.

Suppose you want to speak in front of a group. You imagine making a mistake and decide that everyone will think you’re incompetent. You feel afraid, so you decline the opportunity.

You never get to find out what would actually happen. You also miss the chance to practice speaking.

The thought deserves attention. Is it something you know, or something you’re predicting? What exactly are you afraid of feeling? How would you support yourself if that feeling came up?

Learn what fear feels like

Many of us know our attempts to escape fear better than we know fear itself. We eat, work, distract ourselves, or push it away.

Try noticing the physical experience instead. Is your heart beating faster? Are your muscles tense? Is there a sensation in your stomach?

Describe what is happening without adding a story about how terrible it is. There is a difference between experiencing a feeling and fighting the fact that you’re experiencing it.

You don’t have to make it disappear before taking a next step. Learning to stay present with discomfort is part of becoming willing to act.

Watch for fear disguised as confusion

Sometimes fear sounds like uncertainty. You keep researching. You keep asking whether you’ve found the right decision. You tell yourself you don’t know enough to begin.

There may be information you need. But notice when more information has become a way to postpone the possibility of getting it wrong.

Ask yourself whether you would know your next step if you were willing to feel disappointed or embarrassed. That question can reveal how much of your indecision is protecting you from emotion.

Make a fear inventory

Take a sheet of paper and write down what you’re afraid of. Let the answers be specific. Look at each fear and ask whether it protects you from real danger or holds you back from something meaningful.

You don’t have to tackle every item. Choose one that you want to work on. Identify the thought behind it, the feeling you’re avoiding, and one manageable action you can take.

After you act, compare your prediction with what happened. Notice what you learned about the situation and about your ability to feel discomfort.

The people you admire aren’t necessarily free of fear. They may simply have learned to keep going while it’s there. That is a skill you can practice, too.