No Hard Days

Notice the story you add to a difficult day—and the choices it leaves you.

What do you mean when you say you had a hard day?

Maybe there were meetings, an uncomfortable conversation, and something that didn’t go the way you wanted. By evening, you’ve gathered it all into one conclusion: Today was hard.

That conclusion can feel like a fact about the day. I want you to notice that it is also a thought about your experience.

There is what happened. Then there is the meaning your mind adds.

A day cannot tell you what to think about it

A day contains events. You have thoughts about those events, and those thoughts influence how you feel.

That is the distinction behind the title No Hard Days. I’m asking you to become aware of the mind that is evaluating the day.

You might look at the same set of events and describe a day when everything went wrong. Or you might notice a day when you handled several things you hadn’t expected.

Those descriptions can lead to different feelings and different choices about what you do next.

You don’t have to call a painful experience wonderful. Start by noticing the difference between reporting an event and making a judgment about the whole day.

Discomfort does not automatically mean the process is failing

We can also make negative emotion mean that something has gone terribly wrong.

You try to learn a skill and feel discouraged. You share your work and feel exposed. You move toward a goal and discover how much you don’t know.

It’s tempting to conclude that you should stop.

But discomfort can be part of growing. Being willing to feel vulnerable, afraid, or discouraged gives you more room to continue than waiting until the process feels easy.

Think about a child learning to walk. Falling is part of developing the ability. If falling becomes the reason never to try again, the learning stops.

Look for the thought behind discouragement

When you feel discouraged, get curious about what you’re believing.

Perhaps you expected yourself to be better by now. Perhaps you think one difficult attempt means you won’t succeed. Perhaps you’re comparing your beginning with someone else’s experience.

Write the actual sentence down.

Thoughts create feelings, feelings drive actions, and actions create results. Understanding the sentence helps you see why you want to quit, hide, or delay.

You can then ask whether there is another believable way to understand the situation. Learning takes practice. One attempt gives you information. You can be disappointed and still decide on your next step.

Keep your contribution in view

The work of managing your mind reaches beyond how you feel.

Self-doubt can keep you from offering something useful. It can keep you from doing work you care about or showing up in your relationships the way you want to.

Your contribution doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It may be the way you care for your family, the example you set, or the work you put into the world.

Ask what becomes possible when you stop treating every uncomfortable feeling as a signal to turn around.

Give the day a closer look

The next time you label a day hard, describe what happened without the label. Then write down the thoughts you had about those events.

Notice what feelings followed and what you did from those feelings.

Choose one thought you can believe that helps you respond deliberately. You might acknowledge the disappointment, identify what you learned, or recognize that you can take one useful action.

You don’t need a perfect day before you can keep becoming the person you want to be.