Models on Models

What you think about your thinking may be the place you are stuck.

You write down a thought, put it in a Model, and see the result it is creating. Then you look at the page and decide that your brain is a problem.

You should not think that. You should be better at this by now. You need to get rid of the thought immediately.

Now you have another Model. You have thoughts about the Model you just discovered, and those thoughts are creating their own feelings, actions, and results.

If you have been using the Model for a while and feel stuck, this is an important place to look.

Keep the foundation simple

The Model is useful because of its elegant simplicity: circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results. You can take one thought from a thought download and see what it is creating.

I do not teach this more advanced work at the beginning. First, practice the foundation. Get feedback on your Models. Learn to see the connection between your thought and your result.

You also do not need to do a Model on every thought in your brain. Working with a few thoughts can change many others. Spending all day doing Models can become its own way of buffering.

But once you have that foundation, you can begin examining the thoughts you have about your thoughts and the feelings you have about your feelings.

You have more than one Model happening

We simplify the work by looking at one thought at a time. That does not mean you only have one thought happening in your life.

You may believe you can lose weight and keep it off while also believing it is impossible because of your metabolism. You may believe in your goal and have thoughts of doubt or confusion at the same time.

Those conflicting thoughts create discomfort. Practicing a belief that has not yet become your result can coexist with thoughts that question it.

Another common confusion is believing stress or self-hatred is what makes you take productive action. You might have one Model that creates stress and a different Model that drives the action. Writing them down helps you see which thought is actually creating which result.

Your Model can become a circumstance

You do an unintentional Model and discover a thought creating a result you do not want. Then you think the Model is terrible, or that you are not good at this, or that your brain is broken.

In that next Model, the first Model becomes the circumstance you are thinking about. Your judgment creates frustration, worry, or shame. You may spend the day trying to clean up the thought while criticizing yourself for having it.

Awareness can initially feel worse when you add judgment to what you find. You are now aware of your pain, and you are upset about the pain.

Instead of trying to change the thought you are judging, look at the judgment itself. What are you thinking about the thought? How do you feel about having it?

Stop feeling bad about feeling bad

Feeling sad is different from feeling sad about your sadness. Being frustrated is different from adding frustration about the fact that you are frustrated.

That second layer creates unnecessary suffering. When you stop judging negative emotion, you can experience it without making it mean something has gone wrong with you.

We sometimes imagine that the goal of this work is to remove every negative thought, feeling, action, and result. But that is not possible, and it is not the life I am teaching you to create.

I do not want to be happy about everything. I do not want to be happy when someone dies or when something terrible happens. I want to be present with the human experience, which includes contrast.

Imagine winning an enormous amount of money every time you pulled a lever at a casino, with everyone around you winning every time, too. The first win would be exciting. But without any alternative, there would be no contrast that let you experience it as extraordinary.

An intentional Model is a possibility

In the beginning, I often have students write an unintentional Model and an intentional one. The intentional Model shows an alternative. It helps you see what another thought could create.

It is not there so you can beat yourself up for failing to believe it yet.

I can feel confident about my one-hundred-million-dollar goal and still have Models with doubt, frustration, and confusion. My result tells me I am not fully there yet. I can allow that without getting angry at myself.

You do not have to feel wonderful every moment on the way to a goal. You can practice a new belief while recognizing the thoughts that conflict with it. The discomfort of that conflict does not require another layer of judgment.

Shame keeps the thought hidden

Sometimes a student tells me they have no negative thoughts about a goal, even though the result is not there. They do not want to look for the thoughts that may be preventing them from creating it.

They worry that bringing a negative thought to the surface will make it come true. But hiding a thought in shame does not stop it from producing a result. It simply prevents you from seeing it clearly.

If you will not allow doubt to surface, you cannot find the thought creating it. If you cannot find the thought, you cannot work with it.

Curiosity gives you a different way to look. You can become interested in why you are getting a result, how you have been feeling, and what actions you have been taking. You can let the Model be there long enough to understand it.

I had to allow my thoughts about alcohol

I used to think life without alcohol would be boring. That thought made me afraid and resistant to quitting. I would try, decide it was too boring, and drink again, proving the thought to myself.

I also said I wanted to quit, but when I looked closely, that was not the thought I actually believed. I wanted to want to quit.

I had to let myself see that without telling myself I was ridiculous for not wanting what I thought I should want. I noticed the thoughts that I wanted alcohol, needed it, or had a better life with it. I could recognize them as thoughts without judging myself for thinking them.

When I stopped drinking, I felt restless. What made it possible to stay with that experience was that I stopped feeling bad about restlessness. I could see it as a sign that I was allowing emotion instead of drinking.

I could have peace while experiencing a negative feeling.

Ask what you think about the Model

After you write a Model, ask what you think about it and what you feel about it. Are you curious? Are you ashamed? Are you urgently trying to make it disappear?

Also notice thoughts you dismiss because they sound nice. Wanting your children to be happy all the time may sound loving, but looking at the Model can reveal what that expectation creates. Your opinion that a thought is harmless can keep you from examining it.

You can own what your brain is thinking without resistance. You can be fascinated by it. You can allow a feeling without making it a problem.

There is no rush to eliminate every negative Model. Start by seeing the Model you have added on top of it. Compassion for having a human brain is part of the work.