Lessons from Carol Dweck

The growth mindset gives us control over our ability, over our success.

What do you make it mean when something is hard for you?

Do you decide you're not smart enough? Or do you see a chance to become more capable?

That difference is at the heart of what I learned from Carol Dweck's book Mindset. Her work changed how I teach, how I parent, and how I think about effort.

So many of us learned to measure ourselves by whether we knew the answer immediately. We were rewarded for getting it right. But knowing an answer easily and learning through a challenge are different experiences.

I want you to notice which one you're pursuing.

Are you protecting a label or developing an ability?

A fixed mindset treats intelligence and talent as things you already have in a set amount. If you're smart, you need to keep proving it. If you're not, effort can seem pointless.

That makes failure threatening. A difficult challenge might take away the identity you've been trying to protect.

Someone who has always been praised for being smart may avoid a problem they can't solve easily. Doing less can feel safer than risking the discovery that they aren't as capable as everyone thought.

A growth mindset creates a different experience. You believe you can learn, practice, and become stronger. The challenge isn't a verdict about who you are. It's part of developing your capacity.

You can be interested in the puzzle because working through it helps you grow.

Try “not yet” instead of failure

Dweck describes a school that used “not yet” instead of a failing grade. I love that.

You're not there yet. There is still learning to do. That keeps the process open.

I remember getting a test back with a bad grade and wanting to see what I had missed. Sometimes the teacher wouldn't let us keep the test because it would be used again the next year. I couldn't understand that. I wanted to learn from what I'd gotten wrong.

If you understand half the material, you could call that an F. Or you could see that you're halfway there. Those two interpretations create very different feelings.

Apply that to your life. How often do you take one result and turn it into a final grade on your ability?

You can decide you haven't learned it yet. Then you can stay engaged instead of giving up.

Give credit to the effort you can choose

My children could do well in school with very little effort. I wanted them to understand that what mattered to me wasn't just the grade. It was what they learned and how they applied themselves.

If we only praise being smart, we can encourage someone to preserve the appearance of intelligence. If we acknowledge their effort, we draw attention to something they can choose and develop.

The same applies to employees, colleagues, and ourselves. Notice the work, the practice, and the willingness to keep learning.

There doesn't have to be a perfect score that ends the process. You can keep becoming more capable.

Be willing to engage with your errors

I want mistakes to be something we examine instead of something we hide.

My son Christian learned this through soccer. When he first started, he wasn't as athletic or as fast as some of the other children. As a goalie, he was criticized when goals got past him.

He kept working. He learned to stay present in a competitive environment, handle mistakes, and keep going through adversity.

When his team later won a championship, his ability to remain steady under pressure was a big part of it. Looking back as those children grew up, I could see how some who had struggled early developed resilience that served them later.

Easy success doesn't automatically give you practice recovering from difficulty. The struggle can be where you build that ability.

Difficulty can be the weight that makes you stronger

Imagine I go to the gym with a bodybuilder and we both lift a 25-pound weight.

For me, that weight may be a challenge. Working with it can make me stronger. For the bodybuilder, it may simply confirm strength that's already there.

If the bodybuilder wants to grow, they need a different challenge. They have to be willing to struggle rather than only lift what already looks easy.

The same is true in your life. You can keep proving what you already know, or you can choose something that asks more of you.

When you work through a difficult pattern, you don't have to see the fact that you struggled as proof that you're less than someone who didn't. You can recognize the strength you developed through the effort.

Choose what effort means to you

I had to work in school. Not everything came naturally. I'm grateful for that challenge and for my mother's belief that I could do what I wanted with my life.

Your thoughts about difficulty matter. Thinking “This proves I'm stupid” creates a different experience from thinking “This is an opportunity to learn.”

Thoughts create feelings, which drive actions and results. A fixed conclusion can lead you to stop. A belief in your capacity to grow can help you practice, examine the error, and try again.

You don't have to use every result to answer whether you're smart enough. You can ask what you've learned and what you want to develop next.

Let yourself be intrigued by mistakes. Enjoy the effort. Keep learning. There is so much more available when you're willing to be in the place of not yet.