How to Solve Any Problem

Separate the facts, understand your thinking, and put your mind to work on solutions.

By Brooke Hicks · The Life Coach School

How many times have you explained your problem today?

You may have thought about it, told a friend about it, and replayed it again later. You know exactly what is wrong. But have you given your mind an equally clear assignment to find a solution?

The way you think about a problem affects how you feel and what you do next. That is the place I want to start.

Write the facts separately

Choose one situation that is bothering you. Write down what happened in plain, specific terms, without descriptions of how terrible, unfair, or impossible it is.

Then write down your thoughts about those facts.

Imagine a child taking five dollars from a purse. One interpretation is that you need to explain the rule and address the behavior. Another is that this proves something terrible about the child and about you as a parent.

The fact is the same. The meaning you attach to it affects the size and shape of the problem in your mind.

Ask why it matters

A useful coaching question is to ask what you are making the event mean.

You aren’t dismissing the situation. You’re investigating why it feels the way it does. What do you believe it says about you, another person, or your future?

Thoughts create feelings, feelings drive actions, and actions create results. Once you understand that connection, you can see why some interpretations lead to useful action and others lead to spinning.

Decide what you want

It’s easy to become very clear about what you don’t want while never identifying what you do want.

What result would you like to create? How would you like to respond? What emotional state would help you think clearly?

For me, curiosity, calm, and creativity are more useful for solving problems than repeatedly rehearsing how frustrated I am.

You don’t have to pretend you already feel that way. You can begin by examining the thinking that would make a more useful response possible.

Evaluate what you’re doing

Are you reacting, avoiding, or taking practical action?

Consider a fly buzzing around while you work. You can spend your time telling yourself how annoying it is, chasing it, and becoming more distracted. Or you can decide how much attention it actually needs and return to your task.

This is a small example, but it makes the process visible. What you focus on and what you think about it affect what you do.

Ask whether your current action is helping solve the situation. Then identify one action that would.

Stop making another person the whole solution

Sometimes our proposed solution is that another person should behave differently.

You can make requests. You can set boundaries and decide how you will respond. But if your only plan requires controlling someone else, you’ve left yourself very little room to act.

Bring the question back to your choices. What can you think, communicate, decide, or do?

Turn toward the future

Understanding why something happened can be useful. Repeatedly arguing with what already happened usually gives you less to work with.

Write one solution-focused question about your situation. What is the next useful step? How can you prevent a repeat? What support or information do you need?

Start with a manageable problem and apply the process on paper. The value comes from using it.

You can acknowledge a real situation and still change the way you approach it. That shift gives your mind a chance to work on what you want to create next.