How to Fire Someone

Make the decision clearly, own your reasons, and separate a person’s worth from their fit for the job.

I do not want firing someone to feel good.

I once told a friend I wanted to stop feeling sick to my stomach before letting an employee go. As we talked, I realized that was not true. I wanted the decision to feel important. It affects someone's livelihood, and it deserves weight.

But feeling the weight of a decision is different from avoiding it. Keeping someone in a job when you know it is no longer working can be unfair to them, to you, and to the rest of your organization.

I want to be able to have that difficult conversation with dignity, grace, and love. That starts with getting clear in my own mind.

Would you fight to keep them?

Here is a question I find incredibly useful: If this person quit, would you fight to keep them?

Would you offer more money? Would you sit down and try to talk them into staying? Or would you feel relieved?

If you would not fight to keep them, ask why they are still there. Be honest with yourself about the answer.

At a business conference, someone asked whether we would rehire everyone on our team. My business partner and I raised our hands. We had made the difficult decisions rather than keeping people whose fit we were already questioning.

It is easy to let emotional baggage keep you from making that decision. It is also easy to make the relationship adversarial so you can justify ending it. Neither is necessary.

Separate the person from the job

There is a person, and there is what that person does in your organization. Keep those separate.

Someone can be amazing and still not be a good fit for a particular job. Their skills may belong in another position. Your organization may require a pace or way of working that does not suit them.

That has nothing to do with their value as a human being.

I hired my best friend from high school, and later I had to let her go. Before hiring her, we had talked about protecting our friendship if the job did not work out. Our friendship came first.

When the time came, we took responsibility for the decision. We did not need to shame her or go through every mistake again. We were making a decision for the organization, not against her.

My best friend was still my best friend. That distinction made a completely different conversation possible.

Understand what is actually not working

Before deciding what to do, identify your reason. In my experience, there are several places to look.

You have not managed clearly

Have you set clear, measurable expectations? Have you explained the job and given regular, specific feedback?

Sometimes the answer is no. I have made that mistake. In an entrepreneurial business, I have sometimes been figuring out what I needed as we went along. When we could not figure it out together, I had to acknowledge my part.

The person is in the wrong job

What are they good at? Where do they thrive? Is there a position in your organization that better matches those skills?

Sometimes you have a wonderful employee but no suitable job for them. You can acknowledge both.

Your values do not match

At The Life Coach School, we valued a blue-collar work ethic, being an example of what is possible, and having fun.

By blue-collar work ethic, I mean getting to work, trying things, making mistakes, and trying again. Some people thrive in that environment. Others prefer more planning and discussion before moving.

Neither preference tells you someone's worth. But the fit matters. You need to know your values and communicate them.

Everything is fine, but it is not great

I do not believe you have to wait for something terrible to happen. In my organization, being an example of what is possible meant looking for constant improvement and bringing your best.

If you know you would not hire the person again, do not require a disaster before you allow yourself to make a decision.

You did not hire well

It is easy to hire people you like or people who think like you. But you may need someone whose strengths are different from yours.

I learned to use a project similar to the actual job and a trial period to understand the working fit. Doing real work together tells you more than enjoying an interview.

The business has changed

A person who was extraordinary at putting out fires may not enjoy creating and following processes once the business grows.

I had to change as my own company changed. I preferred quick starts and entrepreneurial work, but the business needed interviews, job descriptions, and processes.

Do not hang on to a previous fit simply because it used to be wonderful. Understand what the business needs now.

Manage your emotions without creating a villain

Once you have decided, work on your thoughts about the conversation.

You may worry that the person will be angry, hate you, or struggle to find another job. Notice those thoughts and the feelings they create. Get clear about why you are making the decision.

You do not need to feel happy about it. You also do not need to vilify someone to make the decision feel justified.

Find your way to love, value, and compassion before you speak. Take responsibility for your decision rather than blaming the person for forcing you into it.

I write down my thoughts, the facts, and the feedback. I discuss the situation with my business partner, who often gives the other person the benefit of the doubt. That helps me understand more deeply.

Be kind and unmistakably clear

Kindness does not mean being vague. The person needs to understand that the working relationship is ending and what the next steps are.

Trying to soften the message so much that someone does not realize they have been let go is not kind.

I personally like to provide information in writing before a phone conversation so the person has time to process it and bring questions. That is my preference when concerns about company access or sabotage are not part of the situation.

I also consult my attorney about decisions that could have legal ramifications. My personal approach to explaining my reasons has sometimes differed from his advice; I am sharing how I have handled those conversations, not recommending that you disregard your own counsel.

Finally, listen. Someone's reaction may be about their thoughts, but there may also be something for you to learn. Own where your hiring, management, communication, or timing could have been better.

Their worth is not up for debate. The fit of this working relationship is.

Let the decision matter. Let your stomach hurt. And when you know it is time, have the clear, honest conversation you have been avoiding.