How Greed

The how is something you discover by doing, not something you wait to receive.

I would do it, but I do not know how.

That can sound like a perfectly reasonable explanation. You want to build a business, lose weight, write a book, or create something new. You just need someone to give you the steps.

But notice what happens when not knowing how becomes the reason you do not act. You are waiting for someone else to take responsibility for discovering the process. You want a formula that guarantees you can avoid failure, confusion, and doubt.

I call that how greed.

Instructions are not the same as a skill

Someone can tell you how to ride a bike or drive a car. You still have to do it. You still have to make mistakes while your body and mind learn.

I love watching masters teach their craft. Stephen Curry can explain how to shoot a basketball and show the movement in detail. After watching, I still cannot make the ball go into the basket as often as he can.

I received instructions, but I did not receive his ability.

The how is in the doing. You discover it through practice, attempts, and adjustments. Understanding a direction intellectually does not remove that part of learning.

Notice where you place responsibility

If someone tells you exactly what to do and you believe you followed the directions, you may decide it is their fault when the result does not happen.

You say the process does not work. Then you quit.

But when you take responsibility for figuring out your own process, an attempt that does not work is part of the learning. It is not the end of the goal.

You can receive guidance while still owning the work of testing, evaluating, and adjusting. That responsibility is a privilege. When you discover how to do something, the skill belongs to you.

You also get to own the success instead of believing someone else created it for you.

Keep your brain on when you follow the GPS

GPS changed my life because I am not naturally good with directions. I love being told where to turn.

But once, while driving my son to a soccer game, I followed the instructions until the system announced we had arrived. We were in an empty parking lot. There was no field, no team, and no game.

We had not arrived.

I had transferred the responsibility to the directions instead of continuing to notice whether they made sense.

Use that as an example for your own process. A teacher can give you a route. A mentor can help you decide where to go. You still need to pay attention to what happens when you take the action.

If you are not at the result, there is more to figure out.

Move from consuming to creating

I think about three phases of learning and leadership.

First, you are a consumer. In a restaurant, you taste the food, discover what you enjoy, and learn to appreciate it.

Next, you become a cook. You follow someone else's recipe and learn to create from directions.

Then you move toward leadership. You begin creating in your own way, perhaps doing something that has never been done before.

All of those phases can be valuable. But if you always require someone else's recipe, leadership will feel frustrating. You will keep waiting for a person who can tell you exactly what to do.

A leader is willing to go first and create the how while moving.

Krista had to discover her own way

Krista St. Germain became a student, applied the work to her life, and then became a certified coach. She left a corporate job and came to work for The Life Coach School.

I was not prepared to manage her as well as she deserved. I did not give her the clear expectations and focus she needed, and the employment relationship did not work out.

That was challenging for both of us. I can look back and see my responsibility in it.

But she did not let that become the end of her coaching career. She went into her own business and joined my group for coaches working toward one hundred thousand dollars.

I gave guidelines and direction. She had to apply them to her niche, her clients, and her own business. She worked and tested, worked and tested. Some things worked and others did not.

Eventually, I watched her receive her one-hundred-thousand-dollar award. Her original route had changed, but she had not quit trying to get there.

Use guidance without giving away ownership

Your way may not look exactly like someone else's way, even when you begin with the same guidelines.

You have your own life, clients, preferences, and decisions. You can make adjustments and take responsibility for why you make them.

That combination is powerful: someone who can guide and coach you, and your willingness to remain responsible for the result.

You are not waiting for the teacher to solve every obstacle. You are using what you learn while discovering what works in your situation.

The process becomes yours.

Write down the questions you want answered

When you feel greedy for the how, put that energy on paper.

Write every question you wish I, a mentor, or a guru could answer. What do you want someone to explain so you can move forward?

Then approach those questions as someone who can discover answers. You may not know the complete process, but you can consider the first thing to try.

Ask what you could do to find out. Ask what you would guess might work.

You are not pretending you already have certainty. You are becoming willing to learn instead of stopping at the statement that you do not know.

Follow the process of discovery

First, take a guess at what might work. What could you do today that moves you closer than what you did yesterday?

Second, try it multiple times.

Third, take notes and change what needs to change.

Fourth, try something else if needed and repeat.

You might make an offer, design a product or program, or tell people what you do. Start with an action you can evaluate.

Getting something wrong helps you understand what does not work. That knowledge becomes part of finding what does.

You do not have to be in a hurry

Sometimes we want the perfect formula because we believe everything will be better once we arrive. We want to skip the uncomfortable learning and get to the place where life finally feels good.

But it is not better there than here. You can give yourself time to learn the skill of discovering how.

Failure, messiness, confusion, and doubt are experiences you can process. They do not have to decide whether you continue.

You can keep your goal and adjust the route. You can ask for help and still take responsibility. You can learn something no one has already handed to you.

Take the energy you are using to demand the how and put it into finding out. Guess, try, evaluate, adjust, and repeat.