Hope is a Problem

Notice where hoping has become waiting, and turn a desired future into action you can take today.

“I hope it works out” can sound like a positive thought. But what do you do after you think it?

Do you take a useful action, or wait for something outside you to change?

The question in this episode is how you are using hope. When hope becomes a way of waiting for a result instead of participating in creating it, it can keep you further from what you want.

Pay attention to what hope fuels

You can tell yourself you hope your business grows, hope a relationship improves, or hope you finish a project. Those statements describe desired outcomes.

They don't necessarily tell you what you are willing to do.

Think about how you feel when you are motivated, interested, or committed. Then notice how you feel when you are simply hoping. What action does each feeling encourage in your own experience?

A thought can sound positive and still leave you passive. Evaluate it by the feeling and action it creates, rather than by whether its words sound encouraging.

Change the question from hoping to committing

Suppose you hope to attract clients. You might spend the afternoon wondering whether anyone will contact you.

Now ask what you are committed to doing to develop the business. You might clarify your offer, reach out to a potential client, or learn why the last offer didn't connect.

You don't control another person's decision. You do have actions available that hoping alone doesn't perform.

The shift from hope to commitment changes your role in the process. You begin asking what you will contribute, learn, and do.

Use the Self-Coaching Model to examine the difference

Thoughts create feelings, which drive actions and results. Write down a sentence beginning with “I hope” and follow it through that sequence.

For example, “I hope this project somehow comes together” might create a waiting feeling. You delay decisions. The project remains unclear.

“I'm committed to completing the next stage” might create determination. You define the stage, schedule the work, and complete a task.

Don't choose a new sentence just because it sounds stronger. Notice whether you believe it and whether it actually helps you act.

Commitment is useful when it changes your present behavior, not just the language you use to describe a future goal.

Stop postponing the feeling you want

You may imagine that a future circumstance will finally let you feel peaceful, capable, or confident.

While you wait, you can spend the present arguing with where you are. You criticize your current progress and hope a later version of life will feel better.

Consider whether you can practice a useful feeling now. What thought helps you approach the current task with more acceptance? What thought supports confidence in your willingness to learn?

You don't have to reject this moment to want something different. You can acknowledge what is here and still work toward change.

Accept discomfort as part of creating something

A new goal won't remove every difficult emotion from your life. If your reason for pursuing it is that you will never feel discomfort again, the first uncomfortable step may make you want to stop.

Instead, recognize that growth can include uncertainty and effort. You can choose to engage with those experiences for the sake of something meaningful.

Acceptance doesn't mean you abandon the goal. It means you stop using the existence of difficulty as proof that the process shouldn't be happening.

You can bring a more considered response to the task in front of you.

Turn one hope into a present action

Write down something you've been hoping will change. Identify which parts depend on other people and which parts involve your own choices.

Then write what you are willing to commit to. Make it concrete enough that you can act on it today.

Notice what feeling that commitment creates. If it brings up doubt, examine the thought behind the doubt and choose the next action that helps you learn.

A desired future becomes more practical when you participate in it now. Rather than only waiting for the outcome, you can begin developing the capability to contribute to it.