Future Self in Uncertainty

Who will you be three years from now?

If your answer depends on knowing exactly what the world will look like, imagining your future may feel impossible. You don’t know what opportunities will be there or what circumstances you will face.

But you can begin with a different question: what do you know will be true about you, no matter what?

That is how I approach my future self in uncertainty. I don’t need every circumstance settled before I can decide who I want to be.

Uncertainty in one area doesn’t remove every choice

A woman I coached had previously imagined her future clearly. She had goals and a vision for her life. Then the pandemic changed so much that she no longer knew how to picture that future.

She was waiting to understand what would happen in the world before deciding what could happen for her.

We often experience one significant thing outside our control and translate that into the belief that our entire lives are out of control. Areas where we were disciplined and deliberate begin to feel uncertain, too.

Notice whether that is happening. Are you defining yourself by what happens outside you, both now and in the future?

If you are, an uncertain world can make your identity feel uncertain. You can take the work deeper than the external picture.

Identity is the collection of thoughts you have about yourself

Your job, clients, income, and other people’s opinions don’t determine who you are. Your thoughts about yourself and your life create your identity.

Ask who you are, and you might answer that you’re a mother, a healthcare worker, a coach, or a waiter. Those descriptions tell me something you do or a circumstance of your life.

What remains when the circumstance changes? Who do you decide to be when you can’t work at that job or aren’t around your family?

This isn’t only something to discover. It is something you can define and create.

For me, being an example of what is possible is a value I can live from regardless of my financial, housing, health, or family situation. The expression may change, but I can keep asking the most of myself.

Define who you want to be across circumstances

When I asked my client what would be true about her no matter what happened, she identified herself as a creator.

She didn’t have to know exactly what she would create in a future she couldn’t yet picture. She could know she wanted to be someone who creates.

Try that question for yourself. What identity can you choose that stands up to change?

If you want to be kind, does that depend on everyone being nice to you? If it does, you are making kindness conditional on something outside you.

You can instead decide to practice kindness in different circumstances. You can choose how you want to think and who you want to be, rather than waiting for the environment that makes it easiest.

You may not know what actions future conditions will permit. You still have your ability to decide what you believe.

You are already using imagination to think about the future

None of us knows exactly what will happen.

We believe our children will grow up, go to college, or have families. We imagine possibilities for ourselves. We do that without knowing the future.

Then we sometimes treat a bigger dream as something we aren’t allowed to believe because we can’t prove it will happen.

You can choose what you believe about your future. Recognize that you are using imagination, and decide what you want to live into.

You don’t have to let someone else’s uncertainty become a rule about what you are allowed to want.

Use the hand you are dealt

Think of a skilled poker player. They can’t control which hand they receive. They can control how they play it.

An unfortunate hand doesn’t mean they stop being a good player. It is part of the game they have committed to play.

You can approach circumstances in that way. Ask how you can be the best version of yourself with what is in front of you.

Are you fighting reality, or using it to fulfill your purpose?

My difficult experiences have made me stronger, more aware, more empathetic, and more loving. They have helped me become more of who I am.

Challenges can be the curriculum for becoming your future self, rather than something you must wait out before you can grow.

Look at your relationship with your goal

I asked people in my mentoring group whether they still wanted the goals they had set before the pandemic. Some wanted to adjust them because the circumstances had changed.

I asked them to examine that reason and whether they liked it.

We also compared their relationship with a goal to a relationship with a romantic partner. One person described not texting back—ignoring the goal while focusing on everything else.

That is useful information. What are your thoughts about your goal? Are you paying attention to it and your future self, or avoiding the relationship?

Working on those thoughts brings up obstacles. That is the work, rather than a reason to stop imagining what is possible.

You can open to the challenge without coming from force, anger, or exhausting hustle. There is discomfort that helps you move toward the life you want.

Choose the identity, then practice living it

Ask how the current circumstance gives you an opportunity to serve, contribute, and pursue your purpose.

How can you be more of yourself in the future, regardless of what happens? Who do you want to be in this moment?

I’m not perfect at showing up as the version of myself I want to be. When I don’t, I look at my thinking and decisions instead of blaming the circumstance.

That gives me work I can do. Thoughts create feelings, feelings drive actions, and actions create results.

Don’t wait for certainty about the world before choosing your future self. Begin with certainty about who you decide you want to be.

Then practice living from that decision with the circumstances that are here.