Cultivating Power

If you have to control everyone around you to feel powerful, how powerful do you really feel?

You need people to behave. You need the outcome to go your way. You need the world to cooperate before you can relax. That is exhausting.

I have tried that approach. I love control, and if controlling the universe worked, I would be onboard. But it has never worked for me without wearing me out.

The power I want to cultivate comes from within. It helps me create, contribute, and have an effect on the world. And the more of that power I develop, the more peaceful I become.

Stop chasing a future that will finally make you feel better

When you believe a place in the future will be better than this moment, you can become desperate to get there. You hurry, grasp, and try to control everything so you can finally feel peaceful.

But arriving at a goal doesn’t eliminate the negative half of life. It is 50-50 now, and it will be 50-50 when you get there.

I’ve talked with friends whose businesses were becoming more prominent while they felt weaker, more frustrated, and more exhausted. They were always chasing something. That is very different from creating a business while generating peace internally.

Money doesn’t take away your pain or change your thinking for you. If you expect the achievement to do that work, reaching it can be deeply disappointing.

Do the internal work before you arrive. You can create a bigger future without making that future responsible for your ability to feel powerful now.

Define power for yourself

What is power to you? Where does it come from? How do you know when you have it?

Go beyond position, prominence, or authority. Look at your own life and ask when you feel most powerful.

When I considered this, the answer that surprised me was making decisions. I decide what I believe, what I create, who I spend time with, and what I say no to.

A decision is a thought you commit to. The thoughts I choose shape how I feel and what I do. That is where my power begins.

Before you can choose consciously, you need awareness. Notice what you are thinking and what you have already decided to believe. Then question it.

The quiet work of self-coaching can put you in a much more powerful position than trying to force an outcome outside you.

Creation regenerates power

Sometimes people want to do good by destroying something they see as bad. They want to destroy the destroyers, without noticing that they are becoming destructive themselves.

In my experience, using your power to destroy depletes it. Using it to create, help, and heal regenerates it.

That distinction matters when you think about influence. Holding a position that lets you hurt or control someone isn’t the internal power I’m describing. That is force.

True internal power doesn’t require putting other people down so you can feel good. It gives you the capacity to create and uplift rather than needing to control the people outside you.

Your response is a decision

When someone attacks you or says something horrible, you have an opportunity to notice what is happening in their mind and in yours.

You can engage in the attack and deplete yourself. Or you can decide how to respond from love, compassion, and understanding.

Those responses are often treated as soft or weak. I see them as powerful. Allowing someone else to be upset without taking it personally requires awareness and emotional management.

This doesn’t mean you aren’t hurt, including physically. It means you can choose whether to engage in the destructive action coming from that emotion.

I’ve seen successful people become targets and use the attacks as a reason to quit. When negativity is met with the same energy, everyone becomes depleted. Responding with compassion offers a different place to stand.

Internal power is a skill. You develop it through practice, rather than reaching a position where you never have to work on it again.

Four ways I practice power

The first is making my ideas happen. I can imagine something and depend on myself to create it, rather than waiting for the world to change and give it to me.

The second is taking massive action by handling failure. If I learn from a failure and keep going, it strengthens me. My ability to create doesn’t depend on succeeding on the first attempt.

The third is managing my emotions instead of reacting to them. Buffering took away so much of my power because I gave in to escaping feelings rather than learning to process them.

The fourth is the ability and willingness to say no. I get to decide what I want, what I consent to, and what I am willing to do.

If someone tries to force you to do something, their behavior isn’t your fault because you didn’t say no. That isn’t what I’m saying. I’m talking about recognizing your opportunity to decide rather than automatically handing your decisions to someone you perceive as powerful.

Choose thoughts that generate power

Ask what thoughts you can believe that help you feel powerful. Practice thinking them and feeling their effect.

One thought I use is that I create my life from future possibility, rather than being limited by my past. I can imagine what is possible and decide to move toward it.

I also remind myself that my capacity to evolve comes from action, whether the attempt succeeds or fails. Being willing to fail creates momentum and gives me more opportunities to learn.

Loving myself generates power. Loving others unconditionally does, too. Someone else doesn’t get to decide that I must hate them. I can decide what I think and feel.

And I am already 100 percent worthy. My worth isn’t something I have to earn with accomplishments or protect by controlling the world.

Look at the decisions you are living from. Which were made consciously? Which are expectations you accepted, or decisions from your past you haven’t reconsidered?

You can choose again. Keep some things, release others, and decide what you want to create next.

What happens in the world is outside your control. That doesn’t make you powerless. Your ability to think, feel, act, and create is where you can cultivate power—and practice using it every day.