Beliefs

Question the thoughts you've repeated so often that you no longer recognize them as choices.

You may describe yourself with complete certainty. I'm a procrastinator. I'm bad with money. I could never do that.

The sentence feels so familiar that you don't think to examine it. You think you're explaining who you are.

But what if you are repeating a belief you've practiced for years? Recognizing it as a belief gives you the opportunity to question it and decide whether you want to keep practicing it.

Understand a belief as repeated thinking

In this episode, I use the definition of a belief as a thought you keep thinking. Repetition can make a sentence feel like an unquestionable description of reality.

You may have learned it from what people said. You may have learned it by observing how they behaved. You may have repeated it after an experience and continued repeating it long after that experience ended.

Some beliefs support you. Others limit what you are willing to attempt.

The first step is noticing that the sentence exists. Write it down so you can examine it rather than automatically think from it.

Explore what you learned without questioning

Families, schools, and communities teach us many ideas about how life works.

You may have absorbed beliefs about earning money, being polite, succeeding, taking responsibility, or what other people expect from you.

Ask what you were taught about yourself. What did you learn was possible? What did you learn you should never attempt? Which ideas have you carried into your adult decisions?

You don't need to criticize the people who taught you. You can appreciate what has helped and question what you no longer want to use.

Look at feelings and actions to uncover beliefs

Some beliefs are easier to find through the patterns they create.

The Self-Coaching Model connects thoughts to feelings, feelings to actions, and actions to results. If you consistently avoid a task, ask what you think about it just before you avoid it.

Suppose you don't apply for opportunities you want. You feel discouraged when you see them. Underneath that feeling may be a belief that you aren't the kind of person who gets selected.

Now you have a sentence to work with. You can ask how that belief affects your preparation, applications, and willingness to learn from feedback.

Be willing to question the familiar conclusion

Your mind may keep pointing to the evidence it has always used. It can overlook information that doesn't fit the familiar story.

If you believe you're incapable of following through, you may remember every abandoned project and dismiss the things you have completed.

Ask whether your conclusion describes the whole picture. Are there exceptions? Are there skills you could learn? What are you assuming about the future?

The goal isn't to deny facts. It's to distinguish facts from the meaning you add to them, especially the meaning you make about your own capacity.

Choose a belief by what it helps you create

Consider what you would like to believe about yourself. Then ask what feeling and action that belief would support.

A belief that you can learn can create curiosity and practice. A belief that your worth depends on never making mistakes can create fear and avoidance.

You don't have to ask someone else's permission to reconsider the way you see yourself. Their opinion doesn't have to become the sentence you repeat in your own mind.

Choose thinking you can believe and that helps you engage with the life you want.

Practice a new view of your future

Write one familiar belief about yourself, and trace its effect on your feelings, actions, and results.

Then write a more useful belief you would like to develop. If it feels too far away, begin with a smaller possibility: you might be able to learn, improve, or respond differently.

Practice that thinking alongside action. Notice the experience you create when you act from it.

Your past gives you information. It doesn't require you to repeat every old interpretation in your future. You can begin deciding more deliberately which beliefs you want to carry forward.