Aliveness

What if the point of your life isn’t to arrive somewhere called happiness?

What if it is to be fully alive?

We are sold a story that the right appearance, money, possessions, and achievements will bring us to happily ever after. Then we spend our lives trying to reach a place where nothing uncomfortable happens.

In Episode 363, I offered a different pursuit: aliveness. A life where you grow, evolve, create, and make room for the full range of being human.

Happily ever after isn’t much of a story

Imagine a world where everyone is happy all the time. Nothing needs to change. There is no contrast, no feeling to process, and no challenge that ignites you.

Some of you think that sounds wonderful. But look at the stories that actually interest us. They contain uncertainty, difficulty, change, and discovery.

I don’t see the point of our lives as arriving at contentment and staying there. I see it as growth, which requires change.

If you pursue a goal only because you think it will finally make you happy, the discomfort on the way can seem like a reason to quit. You return to what is comfortable and miss what the journey could teach you.

Our thoughts create feelings. You don’t need an achievement to grant access to happiness. You can work on your thinking now.

That doesn’t mean happiness is the only emotion worth experiencing or the final purpose of every action.

Contrast is part of the experience

I teach that life is 50/50. There is positive and negative emotion. The goal isn’t to eliminate half of it.

We can use contrast to evolve, make difficult decisions, and keep moving forward.

The people I notice with the most aliveness remain willing to grow. They set new goals, take on challenges, and try things.

When you ask what you want, don’t automatically stop at wanting to be happy. Ask what makes you come alive.

There are pathways and experiences available to you that will include discomfort and pain. You can still discover yourself through them.

A bigger life often requires a bigger emotional capacity, not a guarantee of more pleasant feelings.

Different results need different emotional fuel

When new entrepreneurs say they want to be happy while building a business, I want them to understand what the work requires.

Determination, motivation, willingness, and desire can be more useful than comfort or contentment.

They will need to be willing to fail and feel uncomfortable. That isn’t the same thing as having a relaxing day.

There can be a deeper well-being in the work: knowing that you are using yourself, learning, and pursuing something meaningful to you.

That experience is different from the pleasure of a good meal or a day in the sun. There is nothing wrong with those pleasures. They simply aren’t the whole of what is available.

Thoughts create feelings, which drive actions and results. Ask which feeling will fuel the action you want, rather than demanding happiness for every task.

You find your contribution by showing up

You may hear the idea of contributing and think you need something extraordinary ready before you begin.

I want to suggest you can find it by showing up.

You bring a unique combination of experience, knowledge, thoughts, and perspective. Being willing to be seen gives that combination a chance to affect the world.

You don’t need to hide until you are free of flaws, mistakes, shame, or doubt. You can process those feelings and create from the life you have lived.

Look at the results you want. Do they make you feel alive? Do they require you to bring something of yourself into the world?

Creating doesn’t have to mean making something to sell. It can mean an experience, a mark, or a display to yourself of your own aliveness.

Growth isn’t a way to fix your worth

A student asked why she kept pushing and when enough would be enough.

There isn’t necessarily something wrong with wanting to continue striving. What matters is the reason.

If you are pursuing growth to find happiness at the end, you may exhaust yourself chasing an arrival that doesn’t exist.

If you are pursuing it because you want movement, flow, and expansion, you are working from a different desire.

You can already be worthy and still want to do more. You can appreciate your life and still want to explore.

The price can include discomfort. You get to decide that it is worth paying for the experience of being alive.

Dance before the music is perfect

I like hip-hop and the dance music I grew up with. Recently, I had opportunities to dance to music I wouldn’t normally choose.

I kept waiting for my kind of song. Then I realized I was missing the dance.

I was missing time dancing with friends and my boyfriend because the music wasn’t exactly right. So I got up and started.

It became a powerful example for me. I could feel the music from the inside out instead of waiting for a perfect circumstance.

Where are you doing that in your life? What are you waiting to participate in until the conditions match your preference?

You may receive comments. You may be the only one on the dance floor. You can still choose to be there.

Ask what would make you more alive

If you feel a longing for more, pay attention. Don’t automatically dismiss it as something you should replace with contentment.

You get to choose your life. Nobody else can tell you exactly what aliveness means for you.

Ask what you need to do to be more alive for the rest of your life. Stop answering that you don’t know long enough to listen.

Be willing to learn, try, fall, and create. Let your emotional capacity expand alongside your experiences.

You don’t need to wait for the perfect song. There is a life available to participate in now.