Adversity Quotient

How good are you at handling adversity?

Before you answer, consider a second question: how willing are you to choose it?

Some of us are very good at overcoming challenges when we have no choice. We handle the situation life puts in front of us. But choosing a difficult goal, knowing we could fail and knowing we could quit, asks something different of us.

I use the term adversity quotient to describe our capacity to embrace challenges and keep coming back until we overcome them. I’m talking about that concept here, rather than a score or a test. It’s a skill we can develop—and one of the most important reasons to set big goals.

The challenges you choose

There are challenges you don’t get to choose: a medical diagnosis, a natural disaster, or a financial situation you must address to feed your family. Working through those experiences can make you stronger and teach you how to handle difficulty.

But I want you to also evaluate what happens when you have the option to stop.

Will you voluntarily take on a challenge? Will you move toward adversity because you want to grow? And once you’re in it, will you stay long enough to work through it?

That is different from waiting for life to require something of you. You are choosing a more challenging life on purpose because you want bigger results and more agency in creating them.

Are you willing to get on the field?

I explored this with my son Christian while coaching him on his mindset around golf. He was playing at a high level, competing against other excellent golfers. After a round where he didn’t play well, he felt very disappointed.

One of the things I pointed out was that many people never experience that level of disappointment because they never put themselves in that position. He was in the tournament, risking a poor performance in front of his peers and coaches.

Someone sitting on the couch watching Netflix wasn’t taking that risk.

I think about the same thing when I watch football. A kicker may miss the kick that determines the game. Imagine the disappointment of that moment—and then the willingness to come back for the next game and try again.

When we imagine a life we want, we often picture the wins. We imagine winning the tournament or making the game-winning kick. But are we willing to experience the emotional adversity that comes with putting ourselves in those positions?

You can’t compare the severity of a difficult golf round with a medical diagnosis. You can, however, practice mental focus and strength in a sport and bring those skills to other areas of your life.

Failure isn’t the stopping point

Imagine playing a round of golf and posting a score you’re embarrassed about. You could decide the game is too hard and quit so you never have to feel that way again.

You would get relief. But you would also stop developing your ability to face that challenge.

The golfers who keep progressing are willing to post scores they don’t like and keep playing. They work through the failures instead of making failure the end of the process.

I watched Christian continue through a difficult round, hole after hole. I could see how his negative thinking affected his game, and I even wondered whether we should call it a day. But he kept going, held his head up, and did his best on each shot.

That willingness matters beyond the score. He was learning how to fail out loud and keep going.

The students I see creating the most success in their coaching and businesses do the same thing. They keep returning. They stay willing to fail. Working through failure makes them stronger and less afraid of facing it again.

Your thoughts about adversity matter

Do you see a challenge as something you can use to become stronger? Or do you think it shouldn’t be happening?

I notice this in myself when I start thinking I shouldn’t have to deal with a problem, or that I should be beyond it already. Those thoughts create frustration and overwhelm. I stop using the challenge as an opportunity to coach myself.

When my mindset is right, I see adversity as part of the curriculum of my life. The problem becomes something I can work with to strengthen myself.

Think of a weight in the gym. Leaving it on the floor doesn’t make you stronger. Lifting it does. A complex problem can work the same way: you move toward it, work through it, and develop strength you can use on the next problem.

Trying to escape every challenge gives the power to the circumstances outside you. Using challenges to strengthen your mind gives you a very different experience of your life.

Prepare for the emotion

A bigger life requires a bigger emotional life. That includes learning to experience the negative emotions that come with bigger risks.

Many people pursue a huge goal and take a lot of action without preparing for the emotional part. Then the failures arrive, the feelings become overwhelming, and quitting looks like a way to feel better.

Instead, prepare for negative emotion as part of the process. Know that it is coming. Be willing to feel it rather than treating it as a reason to stop.

Humiliation can feel terrifying. If you are willing to experience it, you have more emotional confidence to keep going through adversity. You aren’t constantly trying to arrange your life around escaping that feeling.

The question isn’t only whether you can take the action. It’s whether you’re willing to feel what comes with taking it.

Become stronger in the going for it

Massive action means taking action until you get the result you want. That includes acting, failing, overcoming the failure, and acting again.

By the time you achieve the goal, you have developed more than the result. You have built resolve, resilience, and emotional strength. That is why we set big goals: for who we become in achieving them.

Choose an area where you are willing to practice this. It might be exercise, a weight-loss protocol, or building your business. Expect to work for the result. Expect adversity along the way.

And even if you don’t achieve the ultimate goal, the work still matters. You may never shoot that 65 or kick the game-winning field goal. But showing up and working through the challenges can make you stronger than sitting on the couch ever would.

Look at how you have responded to adversity so far. Is it the way you want to respond? Are you willing to use the next obstacle as an opportunity to become stronger?

Sign up for the challenge. Let it be hard. Keep coming back, and use the adversity for you.